WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The capital of the nation’s mid north south is today preparing to swelter through its hottest day on record.
Normally a city blanketed by spontaneous bouts of shit drizzly rain every couple of hour, Melbourne is set for its first day of full, unblemished sunshine in over 25 years.
The cause for the rare, incredible, atmospheric weather event is believed to be the Collingwood Football Club slumping to its third straight loss.
Falling to the Victorian Football equivalent of your aunty’s 13-year-old pet Labrador, the Pies lost to the St Kilda Saints by 15 points last night.
That loss has sent pundits and commentators into a frenzy, with discussions taking place across all formats about how to fix ‘the club in crisis.’
While Collingwood losing a few games in a row isn’t exactly cause for a disruption to Melbourne’s cooked weather system, the fact that they have gone 0-3 after winning a premiership last year is.
The Pies haven’t started a season 0-3 since 1999, and now face a similarly stuttering Brisbane Lions up at the Gabbatoir, with the prospect of going 0-4.
Experts predict a start like that for Melbourne’s most despised team could cause the cities beaches to have waves and the Yarra River to run clear.
More to come.
