ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
“Argh,” he sighed.
“Is it that time of year already?”
In a stunning display of localised indulgent self-loathing, a mildly popular bicycle mechanic took to social media this morning to declare war on Christmas.
Jackson Scullion-Pearson’s casus belli is that unless people hadn’t realised yet, it was 2018 and the notion of Christmas in the country has since become a problem.
Around 9 AM this morning, the 26-year-old penned a Facebook status to his like-minded and carefully cultivated friends list where it garnered a number of likes, shares and comments
“Christmas… in September? This is the second worst September-related thing this year. The first being Taylor Swift’s cover of September by Earth, Wind & Fire. Fuck Off Christmas.”
All responses were positive and supportive of Jackson’s opinion on the matter and he told our reporter that it was nice to have his thoughts and feelings reinforced through the power of social media.
He joined The Advocate at Helen’s Hot Toast opposite the French Quarter føtex to discuss his recent post.
“The fact that so many of my online friends and offline friends liked and commented on my post, telling me that it was right, ultimately means it’s right,” he said.
“And because the post was centred around the Christian holiday of Christmas being problematic, toxic and redundant, it means that Christmas needs to be cancelled this year,”
“But you won’t see it happen. Because this country is fucked.”
Mr Scullion-Pearson then battled the rest of the way through his regular long black before telling our reporter shortly before he left that if he didn’t agree with him, he was wrong.
More to come.
