WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A public service announcement has today been issued to softboys around the nation.
Softboys or Softbois are a new wave of young men who are known for portraying themselves as sensitive souls with deep philosophical viewpoints on life and who ‘are not like other men.’
Famous for their antics on dating apps and in renovated pubs that render walls to chip the render off it again, many softboys around Australia have recently taking to dressing like daggy blokes from a few decades ago who loved footy and didn’t mind tipping a schooner glass upside down on the bar.
However, a professor from South Betoota Polytechnic’s Anthropological society has today urged all of the blokes dressing like they’d punch on at Kmart, to start skilling up.
“If they want to dress like the antithesis of what they are, as some sort of ironic personality based on punching down on people they detest, then they need to be able to back it up,” explained Professor Brock Hard.
“They can’t keep ironically dressing like some fibro house dad from the 80s if they don’t know how to handle themselves in a front bar of an actually pub.”
“They also need to actually start following Rugby League if they want to keep wearing these retro style jerseys.”
“You can’t be rocking mullets, moustaches, tatts and an 80s Jets Jersey and then start lecturing your girlfriends uncle about some of his micro slurs that he isn’t aware of.”
“You want a ticket on the class tourism express, then you need to be prepared for what happens on the ride.”
Professor Hard explained that they are still yet to ascertain why these blokes are trying to dress like the ‘bogans’ they so detest.
“It is quite confusing. It might be something to do with some underlying insecurities about their privileged upbringings, but we don’t really know.”
“We are working on it.”
More to come.
