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Following the finds that the Sydney lock-out laws have all but fucked the city’s nightlife and reputation as an international city, NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian has moved quickly to reposition the city as a tropical getaway.
By spray-painting the city’s feral ibises hot pink, the NSW Government believes that tourists will come rushing back to the boring, lifeless state capital.
“Haha who needs nightclubs!?” said Berejiklian during a live press conference in Barangaroo this morning.
“We’ve got colourful birds!!”
“You know how the Asian tourists were rushing to get photos with the jacaranda trees in North Sydney. Well, this is the same thing…”
“Tourists will be rushing to get a photo in front of every public bin in the city!”
This comes after the 2016 announcement from the National Party that the Ibis should now be referred to as a ‘bin-chicken’.
This follows a series of complaints from official Zoologists, who feel the word Ibis should not apply to the Australianised species.
“Ibis is an African word to describe a majestic and elegant wading bird. In Australia, it is the opposite. the Australian ibis is fucking disgusting” said Barnaby Joyce, the Agricultural Minister at the time
“If we had other land animals like cats or dogs snooping around the bins in our cities parks like these birds we’d have them swiftly put to sleep in a makeshift CBD kennel”
However, the flamingo-pink rebrand for is as much a rebrand for the ibis as it is for the city, according to Berejiklian.
“Buy trapping these things in a cage and forcibly spray-painting them with a hot pink can of Ironlak, we are giving them a new lease on life” says the NSW Premier.
“Scavenging food and plastics from public parks has never looked so Caribbean!”
