KEITH T. DENNETT | Southern News | CONTACT
In a ceremonial passing of the torch, departing Nationals leader John Barilaro has handed newly elected Paul Toole his favourite tub of Shockwaves Extreme Hold Hair Gel.
The public gesture was widely praised within the NSW National party room today, as news broke they had once again chosen a six-foot male who enjoys a haircut that would frighten a magpie.
Media pundits had marked the former Mayor of Bathurst as a frontrunner for the role, thanks to his previous experience handling portfolios in Transport, Racing and Forestry.
However, party room insiders have privately confirmed it was Toole’s extraordinary ability to rock the mid-2000’s ‘Forklift Spikes’ that landed him the top job.
A haircut inspired by Linkin Park and Brett Lee’s 2005 One Day series, the style is a regional favourite amongst dartboard enthusiasts and blokes who manage McDonald’s Restaurants.
In his first public comments as NSW deputy premier, Toole thanked Barilaro for his coronation present.
“I’ve always looked up to John and his commitment to keeping the hair gel industry well greased. Rock-solid in fact,” said Toole.
“I’ve heard the fancy barbershops near Macquarie Street try and sting ya $35 for a tin of fragrant Carnauba Wax, so half a tub of Shockwaves will definitely get me through til Melbourne Cup.”
“I’ve always stuck to Shockwaves, it’s high shine product with maximum hold. That’s what ya want when you’re on the big jobs.”
“The ladies down at Blooms in Bathurst usually do me a two for $10 special…”
“Sometimes they even chuck me a free can of Lynx for my public service to the community!”
The return of the ‘Forklift Spikes’ is a familiar sight for NSW residents, who are well versed in witnessing the rise of males yet to prove their competence in important public roles.
“It’s the same haircut I’ve had since I was a primary school teacher, so I’m sticking with it!”
“I saw Trent Barrett bring it back this year! And he coached the Bulldogs to win only three games so the juries out whether it affects ya work performance.”
The Advocate has also reached out to recently crowned NSW Premier Dominic Perrottet on his preferred styling of the ‘Catholic Quiff’.
However, a spokesperson confirmed that the new State leader is too busy rewriting the entire NSW roadmap to comment.
Hospitals have reportedly been sent a Snapchat message to inform them that everything in the state will be opening tomorrow.
More to come.
