CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A desperate Prime Minister Morrison has today made an effort to mend his relationship with the remaining female MPs within his government, after hundreds of thousands of women march around the country today.
After spending a month defending the honour of the alleged rapists in his party, today’s March4Justice has reminded Morrison that he could easily lose a few female MPs to the crossbench like he did with Julia Banks this time a couple years ago.
The PM has today made the executive decision to listen to every single record released by iconic female American pop star Beyoncè Knowles. From her seminal teenage albums with Destiny’s Child, right through to her most recent release under the band name The Carters, with her husband Jay-Z.
“I just want my Queens to slay” said the Prime Minister.
“And it seems like a lot of women are of the opinion that the party decided to dip and now we wanna trip”
Morrison says he was first alerted to his party’s gender divide on Monday, when he walked into Senator Linda Reynolds Parliamentary office to find some of her staff putting everything in a box to the left after overhearing the ‘lying cow’ comments
“Her people told me, in no uncertain terms, that they could have another [party leader] in a minute” Morrison told the Betoota Advocate.
Morrison has today asked his female staffers if they can find it in them to make some lemonade of of the systematic sexism they face every day, and if everything is alright at home.
The rapidly shrinking female caucus of the Liberal Party have responded to Morrison’s eagerness to ‘champion them but not at the expense of men’ by pointing out that things are fine at home and that their biggest concerns right now are due to them being constantly intimidated and bullied by a far-right faction that honestly think this country is being tricked by the elitist communists in Australian media into saving the environment and treating homosexuals and women like humans, despite having every major newspaper in their pocket – and are in turn taking their frustrations out on their assertive female colleagues with public ambitions that may be misleading young Australian women into thinking they can find a rewarding life outside of the kitchen – and may be part of the reason that their daughters don’t speak to them anymore.
At time of press, Morrison was explaining to the ‘big swinging dicks’ in the Liberal Party that he now has 100 problems hahaha.
