KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A luxury fashion store in downtown Betoota has been picketed this morning after local screamo fans gathered to protest the release of a new high fashion collection that’s deeply offensive to musos that enjoy a Wall of Death.
At 8:05am, up to thirty five members of Betoota’s underground metal scene gathered in front of the Balenciaga store on Champ-Ellis Street to decry the French labels new “DIY Metal” collection which is being accused of appropriating Kerrang! magazine culture.
“It’s just offensive, these wealthy high fashion types using the type faces of our favourite fonts to appear more edgy,” local guitar tutor and Larping enthusiast Kaide Larsson (33) told our reporter.
“The only people that wear Balenciaga are the few tech bros who cashed out of crypto at the right time, and bratty arts students living off a trust fund.”
“None of them would know a blast beat or a Cannibal Corpse riff if it slapped them in the face!”
The collection, which has been flaunted as groundbreaking by local fashion writers, includes a $150 pair of socks, a $825 shirt and a $1,200 hoodie, which looks exactly like the type of polyester jumper you’d buy off the rack for $60 at a death metal festival.
“It’s bad enough that all the vibey fuckbois in town have started wearing our heavy cargo shorts, that really blindsided us this summer,” said another protester Zakk Hetfield, the lead singer of local band Necrotic Pulse.
“And now we’ve got commercial interior designers prancing around with a shirt that looks like the lineup of the last doom metal festival that came to town.”
“It’s a joke!”
