WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The Queensland Premier has today moved to allay any concerns about the viability of the Brisbane River as a venue for the 2032 Olympics.
Steven Miles has done so by popping in to the mighty Brown Snake for a quick dip, to prove to all the haters that it’s perfectly fine for athletes to swim in.
“Absolutely wonderful,” said Miles, trying to emulate the move of the Parisian Mayor ahead of this year’s Olympics.
“I’d swim in this every day if I could,” he said, grimacing, and trying to wipe one of the random unexplainable weeping wounds on his face.
“It’s super pleasant.”
“I got a little nip from a Bully (Bull Shark), but I just gave him a good kick and he fucked off haha.”
Miles reportedly decided to swim in the River after the Parisian triathlon was pushed back a day due to water conditions.
Water testers apparently tested high levels of e. coli, which despite not affecting the athletes until after they’d crossed the finish line, saw the event moved a day.
With hype growing in Brisbane about having a truly global event in the River City, Miles said he just wanted to prove to everyone that swimming events in the Brown Snake would be a truly unique and wonderful sight – and a repeat wouldn’t occur in 32.
“It would honestly be amazing,” said Miles, brushing away a couple of flies trying to lay eggs in one of the infections on his chest.
“The water is completely safe and fine to swim in,” he finished, wincing as a random amount of river water randomly trickled down his leg.
Miles then did a backwards duck walk out of the press conference.
More to come.
