STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACT
Sources from inside the former Prime Ministers office have told The Betoota Advocate that Tony Abbott is reportedly counting down the days until his induction into the prestigious ‘Hot Rodent Men’ category.
Abbott, who has spent years cultivating his image as a man of the Liberals, is said to be weirdly thrilled at the prospect.
“It would be my honour,” Abbott is believed to have said.
“I’ve always admired rodents. They’re resilient, resourceful, and can chew through just about anything – traits I like to think I share.”
Despite his enthusiasm, the ‘Hot Rodent Men’ category, traditionally reserved for those male public figures who are simultaneously attractive but also vaguely resembles a rodent.
Internet users have pointed out that these men often possess sharp or angular facial features, unkempt hair, and beady eyes, with a charisma that never falters.
Despite Abbott claiming to possess these features, he’s yet to recieve any formal nominations into the category.
This has sparked debate online, with some questioning if his rodent-like qualities are truly up to snuff.
“He’s got the teeth for it,” noted one enthusiastic supporter, waving a laminated photo of Abbott mid-bite into an onion.
“And that scurrying run of his – classic rodent!”
Some critics, however, remain skeptical.
For now, Abbott remains unfased, eagerly awaiting his rodent coronation.
“I’ve always believed in doing whatever it takes to stay relevant,” he mused.
“If that means embracing my inner rodent, so be it.”
More to come.
