CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Former Prime Minister Uncle Tony Abbott has today backflipped on his previous comments about Muslim ideology, after being introduced to the teachings of the Koran by his cellmate, Spider.
This comes after the newly-appointed Special Envoy to Indigenous Affairs, Uncle Tony X was jailed without a trial on Saturday evening, on the charge of being out in public while Indigenous.
It is believed the Member Of Warringah was picked up by members of the NSW Police Force and taken straight to the watchhouse, after being unable to hail a cab home from the Rabbitohs v St George Semi-Finals clash.
While in jail since Saturday night it is believed that Uncle Tony X has been forced to navigate his way his way through the racially segregated inmate hierarchy, eventually opting to join his black brothers in the prison yard, instead of the white supremacist skinheads who had also greeted him with a warm welcome.
“I chose to sit with my black brothers, call it a cultural coming of age, call it a backbencher taking his new special envoy role to seriously, call it what you will.”
Aside from the record-breaking overrepresentation of Indigenous inmates within Australia’s prison system, Uncle Tony X says he has been relishing in how incarceration has gifted him with the chance to experience a much more accurate cross-section of Australian demographics than his whitebread home electorate.
The Former Prime Minister’s incarceration is believed to have resulted in him exploring new ideas of faith and religion, as he continues his well-documented journey into the politics of radical black nationalism.
Prison insiders say that in the last 24-hours, Uncle Tony X has converted to Islam.
Burning to know more about his faith, The Member For Warringah has begun a campaign to improve his reading and writing. After copying an entire dictionary page-by-page, he has read every book the prison library had in philosophy, history, literature, and science.
Speaking to Betoota Advocate through a contraband mobile phone smuggled in by Vietnamese inmates in the same block, Uncle Tony says he has finally found peace in the religion he spent so many years stigmatising through race-baiting and sensationalism while Prime Minister.
“Days have passed without my even thinking about being imprisoned. In fact, up till now, I had never been so truly free in my life.” said the Former Prime Minister.
“Nobody can give you freedom, nobody can give you equality or justice. If you are a man, you take it.”
