WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
Australia has retained The Ashes.
Despite a solid 6 weeks of Bazlighting and carry on from the United Sookdom, Australia is keeping its mitts on the Urn.
This comes despite a Day 5 loss in the final Ashes Test overnight.
With Australia needing to chase down a mammoth 384, openers Usman Khawaja and David Warner had laid an incredible platform for the team.
Scoring freely, the runs were only interrupted by the English sooking at the end of every single over about the quality of the ball.
Not happy with the state of the ball that had been tonked by Dave and Uzzie, the Poms continued to whinge until they were given what looked like a ball that was a couple of overs old.
Unsurprisingly then getting the ball to hoop all over the place, the English then managed to finally take some wickets and mow Australia down just short of the required total.
Despite many fans pointing out that whinging to the umpires relentlessly until you get a ball that you want is actually pretty against the Spirit of Cricket, the English have declared that they actually won the Ashes.
“Oh, the English definitely would have been okay with us getting a new ball to skittle them with on Day 5,” said one Australian fan.
“They would have taken that really really well.”
The English coach however sees no issues with any of his team’s behaviour.
“If the 4th game wasn’t rained out we would have won that Test, so we feel like we actually won the Ashes,” explained spiritual guru Brendon ‘Baz’ McCullum, who has refused to have drinks with the Aussie team after the series.
“I told Pat that he needs to give my boys the Urn back, because he’s had plenty of time to play with it, and he needs to give us a go, cause it’s not fair that they get to keep it for all these years,” huffed Baz.
When asked about Ben Stokes claiming a catch he knew he dropped, Baz said that incident was also within the Spirit of Cricket.
“You just don’t get it,” he huffed before ending the interview.
More to come.
