JAMIE HOTTAKE | Outrage | CONTACT
OK “Australia”, we hate to break it to you but love to say it; Marmite is better than Vegemite.
Let’s just admit it, Vegemite is weird!
It looks like something Gwyneth Paltrow should be selling as a colon cleansing candle for $99 a pop.
Marmite meanwhile has a more saucey sensibility that is actually suited to actually going on toast, you know, the thing it’s meant to do.
It’s better guys, it’s just better, I’m citing myself as a source here and I nearly have two degrees so take my word for it when I say it is one of the best things in the world.
Simply, Marmite is almost as good as a fresh vape, a shit in the morning and scoring some really easy outrage clicks on your website.
If there’s one thing “Australians” love more than Vegemite, it’s Marmite but even more than that we love to argue about food e.g. sausage sandwich vs sausage in bread, parmi vs parma, fairy bread vs treat toast.
I hate to shock you sheeples to your woolly core but those news stories about different types of food aren’t real news stories!
They are just click pieces designed to get up your factory-farmed goat because at the end of the day you can’t resist giving your two cents (five with inflation).
With that in mind I genuinely think Marmite is better than Vegemite and this has been published so now it’s true.
Think about that for a second. What are you even going to do about it? There’s no way for you to ‘comment’ on this story is there?
I guess your silence says it all, Marmite is better than Vegemite but not as good as a career of ejaculating out absolute shit takes.
Jamie Hottake is a carbon neutral writer who has always been from regional Australia so don’t Google it. He is the most successful writer out of everyone from his journalism degree and pays someone else to write this little italicised blurb. His debut novel comes out in 2025 although he hasn’t decided what it will be about yet but is thinking maybe sci-fi.
