IN-Focus

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local chode, widely tipped to be among the first to go during any societal breakdown, has found his ultimate vehicle in a heavily modified 2024 Land Rover Defender. Hamish Wetherall, the 34-year-old son of prominent businessman Clive Wetherall AC, unveiled his latest purchase in the car park of Royal Betoota Country Club this morning....

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact1. Shitting Yourself On A Holiday Picture the scene. You’re curled into a fetal position, sweat dripping down your brow as your bowels violently contract with pain. You let out a thunderous fart, and even in your current state of delirium, you suspect it might have been a… wet one. Your mouth soon follows suit, expelling a day's worth...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The evil worm that lives inside the new US Health Secretary's brain keeps on telling him to try and grab a policeman's gun and see how far he can get before they stop him. In what started as a general curiosity has now turned into a very loud voice inside RFK Jnr's head, his office...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local man has been left scratching his head this morning after Virgin moved his flight home on Christmas Eve to the 3rd of January. Kevyn Drayne, a 34-year-old professional disc golfer, grew up in Betoota Heights but as his career began to take off, he was forced to make the move down to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local school leaver from our town's Heights district has sworn an oath to the ancient traditions of the Red Frogs this morning ahead of the start of Schoolies Week. Meredith Bryce, a dedicated member of the evangelical Church of the United Christian Kingdom (CUCK), took the sacred Red Frogs oath this morning inside the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Horse cock Queenslander Greg Norman is being touted as a possible replacement for Kevin Rudd as the Ambassador to the United States as he's one of the few Australians who actually has some cut-through with President-elect Donald Trump. Since Trump was humiliated by Joe Biden in the 2020 election, the former Prime Minister turned Ambassador...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local surgeon who only recently qualified is preparing himself to vote for The Greens at the upcoming Federal Election after the pledged to wipe all student debt in the next term of government. Speaking to The Advocate today, Dr Monty Fraser, a general surgeon at Royal Betoota Base Hospital, said he has accrued almost...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local barge arse has picked up the Hyundai Santa Fe he ordered earlier this year in a moment of madness. Timothy Donaldson, of Greenbrayer Road in Betoota Heights, said he was inspired by the family SUV's extremely garish and oversized rear end and the similarities he felt it had to his own rear...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Celebrity chef and international brand name Jamie Oliver reportedly learned this week that he authored a children’s book. Oliver himself appeared bewildered to discover that he’d penned a 224-page tome aimed at educating youngsters, a fact revealed to him only the weird and outdated content was discussed on the internet. The culinary mogul expressed...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Former Australian Rupert Murdoch has weighed into the US election debate this afternoon local time, implying that the result is as much as a surprise to him as it is to most other media moguls. In a short call with The Advocate, Mr Murdoch spoke to our reporter from his New York home. "Haha," he said. "Whoops." Mr...