Breaking News

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT An unofficial work group chat has lit up like a Big W Christmas tree this evening as a group of Melbournites gossip about a fellow colleague. The Advocate understands that several employees from a South Yarra based fashion PR company have been giggling and chortling with glee, after one of their co-workers, who’s originally from Queensland, bravely...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT Local man Liam Turner (32), is reportedly grappling with a crushing case of buyer’s remorse after shelling out $350 for a New Year’s Eve event promising “unparalleled vibes” and a “complimentary drink on arrival.” Having preemptively booked the ticket three months ago to avoid missing out, Liam now finds himself bitterly envious of a group of teenagers who...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT A local man has been divinely reminded by mother nature that it's probably time to put on some sunscreen after seeing his phone is doing that thing where it's disabled because of the extreme heat. The man in question, Anthony Thomas (24) -- Who claims he's quarter-Italian so, "that sunscreen stuff is pointless from " -- has decided...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT In heartwarming news, a former Betoota local who now lives in London has hit Instagram this evening to remind everyone, she’s still living in London. Megan Clapham-Ascot, a 28-year-old PR specialist from Betoota Grove, has this year made quite a song and dance about the fact she’s moved halfway across the world to drink £7 pints...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact A local family’s decision to host a New Years Eve Party has seen their household being commandeered by a drove of the dumbest blokes in town. After a week of nagging from their now adult kids, parents Stu and Su Neeson have both relented and offered up their house for a countdown party. But there are rules. The front deck...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Mum has laid down the law this evening, as her meathead sons begin spraying on some cologne and putting on some lairy shirts. With hopes of maybe rekindling old high school flames, the boys are heading down the local for a Christmas eve piss-up with the hometown mates. Will they make Church with Nan tomorrow? Time will tell. One thing...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation is currently asking the great North East to have a bit of a look at itself. This follows 4 and half days of pretty decent rain, at the absolute worst time of the year. Despite branding itself as the Sunshine State to the rest of the country, Queensland has turned on the waterworks for a crucial...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A Betoota Heights woman is preparing to share in the spoils of victory tonight, and she and her extended team celebrate another year. With her boyfriend's finance boat party and her brother's all expenses work Chrissy party weekend away down on the Sunshine Coast having come and gone, Shonelle Phillips is now looking forward to her time in...

CONSTANCE RIVERA | Grievances | CONTACT In a quiet yet groundbreaking culinary pivot, Betoota Heights mum Karen Mitchell has declared that French onion soup mix is no longer just for soups—it’s now her go-to spice. The 53-year-old mother of three says she stumbled upon this revelation while preparing her signature slow-cooked beef. “I ran out of stock cubes, and the French onion packet...

DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | CONTACT Did you know there is an inverse relationship between those who think they’re a genius and those who actually are one? That’s right. Statistics show that the smarter a person is, the more riddled with self-doubt they are, and so think themselves stupid. Contrarily, complete numbskulls are brimming with unquestioned self-belief in their own genius....