Breaking News

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT An arvo down at the park took a serious turn today as professional beard guy Gregory Guest (28) revealed he is a bit more Valiant than Mustang. A staple of the rough-around-the-edges but violent-in-the-middle watering hole The Betoota Grace Of Court Hotel, Guest can often be spotted at the pub giving people tips on how to play the...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A Betoota tattoo parlour has outed itself as an absolute dud shop today as witnesses report that at several times during the day there was no one out the front smoking a dart. Known as the place anti-vaxxers go to break their ‘no needles’ rule, tattoo parlours are identifiable by their spiky fonts and gaggle of inked employees...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT Christmas is a time for family, sharing and tragedy today as an entire family starved to death waiting for a few chatty aunties to shut up and unwrap their presents. The unnamed aunties, who are already known to local police, reportedly had a history of over-organising Christmas to the point that most family members did most...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact A 27-year-old woman has today discovered that Facebook is nothing more than a psychological torture device. Casey Lang says she’s been moving on with her life when a notification on her phone had her reeling all over again. The notification, wedged in between a tagged meme and some weirdo liking an old profile picture of hers, was an...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT In a rare bit of good news for the environment, the rate of global warming will be put on hold today after a local Dad decided to reuse an old enviro bag. The story comes as 48-year-old father of two, Neil Lowes prepares to travel interstate today, for his yearly family holiday to Coffs Harbour. A...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT A local man has admitted that he’s been getting his hair cut at a nearby Turkish-run barber simply to avoid any small talk that might arise. Jake Harrow (28) is a typical Anglo-Australian who, like most Anglo-Australians, keeps it fast and loose when it comes to his preferred barber. He generally just goes to whichever one is closest when...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT Some A-grade level sledging is echoing across a D-grade cricket match this afternoon, as two teams of summer warriors get stuck into each other on the pitch. With the Betta Electrical Rednuts sitting precariously at 4/19 in this afternoon’s T20 game at Hussey Oval, it’s believed the rapid collapse of the top order has inspired the...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT The hottest hits of 2009 are sound tracking a long road trip this morning as a group of friends embark on a weekend getaway. With windows down and the sound of the Black Eyed Peas pumping, friends Alex, Xian and Hamish have piled into the car of their mate Lincoln Humphrey, a friend they love dearly,...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAs global news cycles churn out unrelenting reports of economic uncertainty, environmental collapse, and general human misery, one small corner of the world remains untouched by despair: cats going ballistic over Christmas tree decorations. One such magical moment is happening here in Betoota Heights, as the Parker family enjoy their annual tradition of watching Mr Bean make it his...

STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACT Suburban mum Karen Mitchell has once again proved that a quick trip to Kmart is anything but brief. Karen, who casually announced she was “just popping in” for a couple of bits and pieces, emerged three hours later with enough Kmart goodies to last her a lifetime. Eyewitnesses report Karen’s initial plan was to grab a new doormat...