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Neighbour’s Drop Saw Harmonises Beautifully With Local Kookaburra An Hour Before Alarm Clock

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The trials and tribulations of living in a leafy suburban Queensland enclave were felt by all on Daroo Crescent in Betoota Grove this morning. Local tradesman, Leo, has had waited until 6:00 am on the dot to fire up his beloved drop saw - as his non-council approved renovations continue to edge further out the backyard. While Leo's neighbours try...

“Wait, So This Is Already Paid For?” Asks Dad Still Struggling With The Concept Of Uber

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Even though this his third or fourth time catching an Uber, a local dad still appears to be battling with how his adult children are paying for these things. "Wait, so is this one of those ones that's already paid for?" asks 63-year-old Lionel Buckley. While it's been explained to him several times before, it seems the semi-retired kitchen appliances...

“This Ice Thing Is Actually Pretty Bad Hey” Says Shorten During Rare Trip Outside Melbourne

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT During a rare trip to the bush, Bill Shorten has finally realised all those audience members who ask questions about societal disintegration on Q&A actually aren't being that dramatic. While visiting a one-horse brothel town somewhere in regional South Australia, the leader of the opposition was visibly startled by the obvious meth-related decay of a community that supposedly votes...

Boring Town Makes Up A Rumour About A Panther

After over 12 months of research, a study by the Black Panther Sightings Organisation (BPSO) has confirmed that there must be a large number of big cats residing in Australia. The report found that over 16 separate towns and localities genuinely claim to have a panther lurking in their shire, leaving the researchers to estimate that there must be nearly 20...

Personal Trainer Treats Self To Unpoached Chicken

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Personal trainer Michelle Langley (24) has done the unthinkable and treated herself to some unpoached chicken for the first time since she began her strict meal plan three years ago. It was a cheat meal she had been planning on rewarding herself with for weeks. Upon finishing the 156-week ‘Kick-a-Chick’ meal and exercise plan, Langley immediately...

Smoker Validates Disgusting Habit By Providing Bottle Opener For Everyone

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local piece of shit who loves polluting the atmosphere with the wafting smell of his own lack of self respect, has today made up for his personal shortfalls by providing a lighter to open the beers with. Pete Wheelwright (26) has been suck back the lung busters for years now, and as his mates gradually quit, he's one...

Inner-Brisbane 4WD Owner Finally Takes The Beast Off-Road In Reckless Curb Park

 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Ascot-based real estate tycoon, Darren Fanning (35) has today 'broken in' his brand spankin' Prado, after pulling the arse out and parking with two wheels on the nature strip outside his family home. Only months after picking up 'the beast' at Moorooka's magic mile, Darren is still yet to squeeze in a trip to Fraser Island with his other...

Catlike Abilities Wasted On Cats

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT According to its owners and other acquaintances, a local cat has spent most of it's spoilt life on its arse, and not doing any of the cool shit humans would do if they were cats. 3-year-old Fluffy has not once climbed to the top of a tree in the botanical gardens and very rarely struts along the top...

Amazon Working To Stop Alexa From Giggling While Reading Your Search History

The world’s largest retailer and biggest reason your bank keeps calling you to double-check if your card was stolen or not, Amazon, has today announced a new internal investigation into several reports that Alexa, their SmartHome platform, has been randomly and consistently bursting into laughter while reading your Internet search history. In a press conference delivered via precision drone strike,...

Senator Di Natale Getting Everything Ready For 20th Of April

LOUIS BURKE | Youth Culture | CONTACT Leader of The Greens Richard Di Natale did not appear his confident, charming self as he spoke to reporters today, appearing to fidget and twiddle his thumbs. “I've just been trying to make sure we can clear our schedule in a couple days. I've been making sure there's nothing I need to tend to in the senate" "Think...

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