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LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As The Nationals party begins to feel some sense of normality again, their party summit in Gundagai (aka Rock the Riverina) has been shaken by the arrival of boisterous new MP known only as Mrs Joycefire. During George Christensen’s Warren Truss impersonation, Mrs Joycefire stormed the stage, snatching the microphone, before proceeding to roast Christensen. It is believed most...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recently-but-not-so-recently unemployed man is making drastic moves to avoid watching Ellen on television today, and instead, he is stretching out phone calls with his mates working 9-5. While his mates act polite and try their best to not be distracted by their jobs, Jim Peterson (28) wants to know what else happened after he left on Saturday night. "Was...

KENT REGINALD | Scandals | CONTACT Former Australian Vice-Captain and current holder of the ‘Trevor Chappell Award For Most Disappointing Australian’, David Warner, has issued a heartfelt apology to fans across the world after his actions betrayed the very spirit of LG TVs he once held so dear. Warner, who was today banned from cricket for 12 months for his role in the ball-tampering...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local moron has today had toss up whether the scantily clad smoke-show that has just slid into his friend requests, with no pre-existing contact or mutual friends, is real or not. Going by the name of 'Bella Whyte' - the account shows what looks like a bikini model, with only one photo of herself, laying on some rocks...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Social Nuances | Contact The other four members of the flinders family have today had to pause their Shrek 3 viewing as the patriarch received a phone call from an old mate he grew up with, who is currently on a cruise. This interruption is doubly bad for the flinders family, not only has it prevented the viewing of Mike Myers greatest...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Jenna Betts (27) says she doesn't really like partaking in gossip, but sometimes it's for the greater good. And, for the record, it's not technically gossiping if you are simply informing a close friend of something that is being kept from her. Like, she'd want someone to do the same for her. That's why she informed Ally that her ex-boyfriend...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by the nation's chicks has found that the music made by 1990s Australian rock band INXS sounds way better when blaring from inside a Winfield-scented Valiant, owned by a bad boy from down the road. Dubbed ‘The Marrickville Mercedes’ – the Chrysler Valiant has for several decades been a popular vehicle for young bucks in light...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A giant ice cold glass of obscure tasting orange fruit crush has confirmed that mum has accidentally thrown the 90% less sugar version of the family's favourite cordial in the shopping trolley again. What is yet another slip up in a Sunday grocery run is now something that everyone is going to have to cop on the chin until...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A wrongly incarcerated lead character in a prison movie has been relieved to find out that, out of all the psychopaths in the high-security prison, he has been allocated to a cell with a gentle old guy who is willing to protect and mentor him for no reason. Like many prison movies, the character is now lucky enough to...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Proving once and for all that every cloud has a silver lining, those mourning the untimely death of local second grade coach, Reginald “Reggie” Delaney, have been somewhat comforted by their loss with the inclusion of spring rolls at his wake. Helping himself to a plate of about 30 spring rolls, Delaney’s second-rower, James Teaupa, stated he will miss...