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CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The nation's Commodore drivers have today been urged to go on then, and to also send it. This follows a recent report by the National Roads and Motorists' Association has found that high-speed driving is not nearly as cool unless you flop your sloppy pale arm out the window while doing it. In a report commissioned in 2014 by former...

TRACEY BENDINGER | ACT | CONTACT The 2018 Summernats car festival ended yesterday, however, news of the fully-charged-high-horsepower-high-pollution event has only just reached the United States of America, more specifically, the popular energy entrepreneur, Elon Musk. Where most people curse the car festival for the unapologetic noise and environmental pollution it causes every year, Musk sees it as an opportunity. Reaching out exclusively to...

LOUIS BURKE | Food | CONTACT After a negative experience at a local chicken shop, semi-retirees Lionel and Linda decided to take matters all the way to the top by complaining on the business’s Facebook page. From their shared account, LindaandLionel Norman, the couple posted this 1-star review on the Facebook page of Juicy Charcoal Takeaway: “I had to wait 20 bloody minutes before someone told...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A friend who arrived wildly unprepared at a shared campsite for a popular East Coast music festival does not appear to be apologetic about the game of musical chairs he has created. It seems good mate, Jase Tidwell (27) has only made sure to bring hard liquor and other non-permitted goodies through the gates this year, as his Hyundai...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local half-wit has taken delight in poking fun at the amount of grog currently being purchased by the customer queued in front of him at The Betoota Family Cellars today. The smart arse, who appears to be buying one six pack of shit looking beer, appears to be waiting for a Olympic applause after rattling out probably the...

Police have issued a warning to all designated drivers today: Stay away from Nan’s Rum Balls. The warning comes after a spate of DUI’s across the country, directly linked to consumption of the potent Christmas sweet. Diamantina Police Spokesperson Troy Pisasale confirmed that over 50 people have returned positive breath tests during the Christmas period. “I understand that people are just trying...

KENT REGINALD | Entertainment | CONTACT A local Betoota man is trying his level best to have a conversation with his son’s boyfriend today, after both of them dropped by the family home for an early Christmas lunch this afternoon. Barry Bilson, 56, has always prided himself on being a good father to his son, also Barry. However, his traditionally conservative upbringing and his relative...

KENT REGINALD | Entertainment | CONTACT A local Betoota scam artist is waiting with bated breath today, after launching a brand new worldwide con involving sending people emails from financial giant ‘Poypal’. The man, who we interviewed on condition of anonymity, is optimistic that his latest scheme is a winner, and that most people would skim over the fact that that’s not how you spell...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Betoota recruiter Paul Miller (28) has had to abandon his plans for a relaxing weekend upon realising he can no longer neglect his adult responsibilities. While Miller usually enjoys a weekend of late mornings and day drinking, even the chance of a sneaky couple of beers is looking unlikely as the 28-year-old mulls over the impending loads of...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Clive Palmer has been spotting wielding an M16 machine gun at on the top floor of his Coolum mansion today, while knocking off representatives from the liquidation agency probing into the collapse of Queensland nickel. The victims of this hail of gunfire say they will seek to have Clive Palmer found in contempt of court if he does not...