Breaking News

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After 47-years in the making, the metrication of Australia has been officially completed today, as Australian drug dealers finally make the transition from the Imperial system. As of Melbourne cup this year, Australian drug dealers will no longer use measurements such as ounce, half ounce, quarter ounce to unitise marijuana, cocaine and amphetamines. Before 1970, Australia mostly used the imperial system for...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local bus driver, Morgan Turinui (45) is waiting until his most recent passenger is no longer holding onto anything before he puts the pedal to the metal, it has been confirmed. As is protocol in suburban public transport, bus drivers are required to begin driving before passengers are able to place their entire body weight into a seat. Local commuter, Glenn,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A health fanatic from Betoota's Northside has today proven just how much he cares about what goes into his body, by not using the first straw currently sitting in the straw dispenser at McDonalds. "You never know what's on it" the health concious local by the name of Declan says to The Betoota Advocate. "I don't want germs going into...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by the ACMA has today found that AFL and NRL panel shows really do get some good mileage out of the waxing gag. This study was commissioned after footage emerged of former mid-tier NRL player Bryan Fletcher getting waxed by former slightly-better NRL player Nathan Hindmarsh on one the 3 different Matty Johns shows last night. After...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local 18-year-old has today decided that she has had enough different types of coffee to confidently say she has a favourite. While taking a break from the lectures at University, Rachel Cottee takes a sip from the freshly made caffeine beverage and decides that this might be her one. After a year of metropolitan living, the aspiring Marine Biologist...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A Betoota teenager who enjoys Lady Gaga and has a trophy cabinet full of gold medals for jazz and tap is actually in far greater health than anyone who gets their news from the Daily Telegraph, it has been confirmed. These revelations come from a recent report put forward by the Betoota's Integrated Gays, Friends, Undecided, Lesbians And Liasons Alliance...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local member of Generation-Y has today lived out exactly what her parents fear most, by communicating with her long-term boyfriend only via mobile, despite being in the same room as him. After seeing a funny meme in her Facebook newsfeed, local coffee enthusiast Jenna Bailey (23) felt she could not continue scrolling without sharing the same joke with...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local bloke has today suggested that he too has the motivation and fitness to do normal things on weekends, with an out-of-character social media post of him hiking at a nearby lookout. After two years of heavy drinking and recreational drug use, the local online sales rep has alluded to the fact that he often goes hiking and...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Sinking piss on a gorgeous Queenslander-style-stilted-timber-veranda is one Australia's most valuable offerings when it comes to quality of life - a global survey examining 450 cities has found. The River City Capital and several other river settlement in Northern New South Wales and further north in Queensland have been compared with Basel, Switzerland in Mercer’s 19th annual Quality of Living survey, which provides...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Administrators of the Australian Taxation Office have today revealed that they are concerned Australians might be claiming too many deductions in their tax returns, and in turn minimising how much their executive's sons will able to steal from us. While admitting that the $165 million Plutus tax scandal has "tarnished" the reputation of Australian Taxation Office, the ATO was...