Breaking News

6 May, 2016. 11:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact AFTER BEING TOLD THAT he'll never be settled in Sydney, a first home-buyer has set himself alight outside Treasurer Scott Morrison's Sutherland Shire home to protest the obvious short-comings in his budget. The prospect for young people of not owning a house in Australia's largest city is unfathomable, especially after the journey...

6 May, 2016 13:15 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT George Robert Christensen MP has today called for Australia to close all borders to migrants, asylum seekers and refugees - unless they are Nepalese and willing to work in a pub kitchen. The rotund Member for Dawson has today announced that he can no longer remain silent over the fact that "when it comes to Asians"...

3 May, 2016 14:45 BEAU CHANDLER | Barcaldine Correspondent | CONTACT Tree clearing in Queensland is hotter than Cloncurry in high summer. With local farmers pulling into Bacaldine over the weekend offering to pull down the famous Tree of Knowledge, in an attempt to save residents from any future patronising ALP parades. As former prime minister Bob Hawke was pushed in a wheelchair leading the...

3 May, 2016. 9:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact IF YOU ARE PLANNING TO buy a house in an Australian capital city before you die, then you might as well pull the plastic bag over your head and do it now to prevent a life of perpetual disappointment and self-loathing, according to ABC's Four Corners programme last night. Better yet, if...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A 21-YEAR-OLD Tajik national has been granted a temporary protection visa by the Department of Immigration this afternoon after he was observed bowling googlys, zooters, legbreaks and flippers at the Nauru detention facility last week. Muhammed Ashkent, from the southern highlands of the tiny central Asian nation of Tajikistan, said he learned to play cricket before he left...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A TOP-LEVEL EXECUTIVE responsible for VB Raw has been released from gaol today after completing a seven-year sentence in Goulburn. Charged with high treason and crimes against common decency, Allan Gabriel Clarke was initially sentenced to 350 years in a maximum security prison but it was reduced on appeal. Speaking today from the windswept brothel town of...

30 April, 2016. 13:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact WHEN HE COMES TO SYDNEY, he really loves to tie one on. He's not worried about property prices or where his next meal is coming from. Stephen "Plumber" Kaneladdy can wake up each morning after a bender and lie content in his own filth knowing that everything will be OK for him. A king...

29 April, 2016. 16:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A 23-YEAR-OLD-PISS-CUTTING-LEGEND has confirmed his intentioned to get Grant Hackett wheelchair blind this weekend, coming just days after swearing the drink off forever after ANZAC Day. Brenton Ellis Carter from the central Queensland district of Adavale says he's hired a wheelchair for the weekend and he intends to put it to good use. Arriving...

MERV HARRIS | Culture | CONTACT In breaking news, local mother of three Kimberly Seeto is set to be offered the undesirable job of tuckshop convenor at the next meeting of the Betoota State Primary School P&F. P&F secretary Jamie Croon - the father of dimwitted year two student Jason - revealed to The Betoota Advocate that Mrs Seeto is set to be offered...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact IT ONLY SEEMED LIKE yesterday when 56-year-old retired banker Richard Cullens was sitting in the back of his father's XC Falcon smoking reefer with his high school sweetheart - listening to Prince, Leonard Cohen, David Bowie and George Michael. But today, those nostalgic memories of a time gone by, before he had a wife, kids,...