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CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A Brisbane woman has recovered from a bout of self-diagnosed food poisoning despite doctors sending her home for excessive inebriation and the onset of dehydration. “They told me to go home, put a bucket next to the bed, keep my fluids up and to sleep it off,” said Lizzy Anderson, 28-year-old personal assistant to the CBD office leasing...

PADDY MUNRO | Top End | CONTACT Northern Territory Police have ramped up efforts to attract new cadets by venturing down a new avenue and targeting Aboriginal Australians, who make up roughly 30% of the Top End's population. This news comes as NT Police Minister Peter Chandler decried the Top End’s attempt to blow in on a “running-man” video challenge issued by New Zealand Police - in...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact THE AUSTRALIAN ELECTORAL COMMISSION has ruled that a penis drawn anywhere on a ballot paper this election is automatically counted as a vote for The Greens. In a landmark decision, AEC Federal Coordinator Faye Splushman said that the male genital best represents The Greens and what they stand for. "Each year, there are so many dicks," she...

9 May, 2016. 11:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact TOWARDS THE END OF THE year, the Walkley Foundation is hosting its annual awards ceremony where Waleed Aly is expected to clean up in light of last night's Gold Logie win. Despite not having a specific gong for a most popular male television presenter, the Australian journalistic authority is expected to create...

8 May, 2016. 11:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact DESPITE NOT KNOWING what happened after 10pm, a local journalist says he has a fair idea after looking at himself in the mirror. Stained with red wine with a hole burnt through the armpit, 26-year-old sports writer Alex Dewhurst said it must've been fun, but he doesn't really remember anything. "Thank Jesus, Allah and...

6 May, 2016. 11:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact AFTER BEING TOLD THAT he'll never be settled in Sydney, a first home-buyer has set himself alight outside Treasurer Scott Morrison's Sutherland Shire home to protest the obvious short-comings in his budget. The prospect for young people of not owning a house in Australia's largest city is unfathomable, especially after the journey...

6 May, 2016 13:15 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT George Robert Christensen MP has today called for Australia to close all borders to migrants, asylum seekers and refugees - unless they are Nepalese and willing to work in a pub kitchen. The rotund Member for Dawson has today announced that he can no longer remain silent over the fact that "when it comes to Asians"...

3 May, 2016 14:45 BEAU CHANDLER | Barcaldine Correspondent | CONTACT Tree clearing in Queensland is hotter than Cloncurry in high summer. With local farmers pulling into Bacaldine over the weekend offering to pull down the famous Tree of Knowledge, in an attempt to save residents from any future patronising ALP parades. As former prime minister Bob Hawke was pushed in a wheelchair leading the...

3 May, 2016. 9:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact IF YOU ARE PLANNING TO buy a house in an Australian capital city before you die, then you might as well pull the plastic bag over your head and do it now to prevent a life of perpetual disappointment and self-loathing, according to ABC's Four Corners programme last night. Better yet, if...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A 21-YEAR-OLD Tajik national has been granted a temporary protection visa by the Department of Immigration this afternoon after he was observed bowling googlys, zooters, legbreaks and flippers at the Nauru detention facility last week. Muhammed Ashkent, from the southern highlands of the tiny central Asian nation of Tajikistan, said he learned to play cricket before he left...