Man responsible for VB Raw released from prison
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A TOP-LEVEL EXECUTIVE responsible for VB Raw has been released from gaol today after completing a seven-year sentence in Goulburn.
Charged with high treason and crimes against common decency, Allan Gabriel Clarke was initially sentenced to 350 years in a maximum security prison but it was reduced on appeal.
Speaking today from the windswept brothel town of...
Local woman unaware of country empire held by man pissing in his own mouth
30 April, 2016. 13:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
WHEN HE COMES TO SYDNEY, he really loves to tie one on.
He's not worried about property prices or where his next meal is coming from.
Stephen "Plumber" Kaneladdy can wake up each morning after a bender and lie content in his own filth knowing that everything will be OK for him.
A king...
Local legend plans to get Grant-Hackett-wheelchair-nipple-tweaking-blind this weekend
29 April, 2016. 16:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A 23-YEAR-OLD-PISS-CUTTING-LEGEND has confirmed his intentioned to get Grant Hackett wheelchair blind this weekend, coming just days after swearing the drink off forever after ANZAC Day.
Brenton Ellis Carter from the central Queensland district of Adavale says he's hired a wheelchair for the weekend and he intends to put it to good use.
Arriving...
Local Mum Knows She Has The Dream Tuckshop Manager Role If She Wants It
MERV HARRIS | Culture | CONTACT
In breaking news, local mother of three Kimberly Seeto is set to be offered the undesirable job of tuckshop convenor at the next meeting of the Betoota State Primary School P&F.
P&F secretary Jamie Croon - the father of dimwitted year two student Jason - revealed to The Betoota Advocate that Mrs Seeto is set to be offered...
Baby Boomer Again Forced To Confront Own Mortality After Another Fucking Rock Star Dies
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
IT ONLY SEEMED LIKE yesterday when 56-year-old retired banker Richard Cullens was sitting in the back of his father's XC Falcon smoking reefer with his high school sweetheart - listening to Prince, Leonard Cohen, David Bowie and George Michael.
But today, those nostalgic memories of a time gone by, before he had a wife, kids,...
A Book About Tara Brown’s Traumatic Experience Kidnapping Lebanese Kids Hits Stores
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
IN A BID TO CLAW back some of the ransom money paid for the freedom of Tara Brown and the 60 Minutes crew, Nine Entertainment Co confirmed today that a book has been released detailing the experience.
The gonzo journalistic account of the television presenter's time in Beirut was ghostwritten by Matthew Reilly - an...
Report concludes that Mr Bean scares the shit out of today’s children
21 April, 2015. 10:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
CHILDREN OF THE MODERN world are left shaking after watching episodes of Mr Bean, a popular BBC comedy programme which saw worldwide acclaim in the 1990s.
The report was commissioned by the Australian Television Standards Committee after the received thousands of complaints about the show after in broadcast on the ABC last...
Conor McGregor’s remaining brain cells blamed for shock early retirement
20 April, 2016. 14:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
DESPITE HAVING MILLIONS OF brain cells left to lose, Irish fighter Conor McGregor has chosen to retire from all forms of professional MMA.
Rumours have swelled for the proceeding 12-hours before the announcement, with confirmation coming from UFC President Dana White.
The 27-year-old says he was confronted in a dream by his remaining...
Budget leaks reveal beach houses more affordable under Turnbull government
19 April, 2016. 15:45
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
BEACH HOUSES AND HOBBY FARMS will be cheaper to attain and maintain under a Coalition government, a series of budget leaks has revealed.
The breakthrough comes after huge concessions were made to high-income earners and big business, forcing nearly all Australians out of the highly competitive holiday home market.
It's good news for...
Study finds only girls like beer in clear bottles
19 April, 2016. 11:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A REPORT COMMISSIONED BY an Australian brewery has found that only girls like the taste of beer that comes packaged in clear bottles.
It also recommends that Australian men who enjoy malted beverages such as Corona, Toohey's Extra Dry or XXXX Summer to walk to the nearest bathroom and look themselves in...
