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25 July, 2016. 14:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact WIPING AWAY THE TEARS as their daughter graduates at the top of her class, parents Bill and Amanda Batten-Shein couldn't be prouder watching Katie (23) shake hands with the Dean, who handed over her Bachelor of Laws and a bottle of Windex as they posed for the camera. "She's finally done it,"...

22 July, 2016 14:45 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Following both the Republican and Democratic Conventions, as well as the recent DNC wikileaks emails, political reporters from The Guardian are now trying their very best to cover the US Presidential election without acknowledging the fact that Donald Trump is almost a sure bet to win this thing. Speaking to the Betoota Advocate today, former...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A FOX SPORTS SOUND recordist's world has come crashing down around him this morning after learning that he's not fucking transparent and people can't see through him. Despite feeling invisible throughout high school and university, Michael Poon was able to keep his job after the sports network axed 4700 employees after Jarryd Hayne got dropped...

21 July, 2016. 14:34 ERROL PARKER | Purple Monkey Dishwasher | Contact GREG POON THREW CAUTION TO the wind on his 40th birthday and decided to buy a motorcycle. Knowing full well that he could be turned inside out after even a minor accident, Mr Poon revealed he simply cannot wait until his liver gets a lashing from somebody else. "Yeah moit, me...

20 July, 2016 14:45 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A 75-year-old Goondiwindi woman has once again today reiterated her theory that there was a large population of dark-haired Southern Europeans living in Western Queensland several generations ago. Despite the fact that her family tree strictly states that her ancestors have been in the district for over 120 years, without any signs of European surnames,...

19 July, 2016. 11:02 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact TRIBUTES FROM AROUND THE world have been flowing in this morning after 26-year-old pop star Taylor Swift became the third female victim of the Kardashian family's rampage through popular culture. She was found late last night face down in a bowl of Fruit Loops at her Los Angeles home. Known primarily for either...

18 July, 2016. 12:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact THE SEISMIC FINANCIAL SHIFT TOWARD a cashless economy is doing the nation's homeless out of the job, a recent report has suggested. Australians are, on average, carrying less cash than ever before. Only a generation ago,  there was no option than to have some folding stuff or a chequebook in your back pocket. Now,...

17 July, 2016. 12:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact GRAPPLING HIS 10-INCH CRESCENTS like he's holding a cricket bat, a North Betoota sissy has embarrassed himself this morning by using both hands to cut up some plain wire. Stopping short of wearing gloves, Sam Earle (24) let out a quiet, audible moan as he finally heard the clink of wire hitting the...

16 July, 2016. 13:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact WITH THREE TEENAGE CHILDREN living under their roof, precious moments between quinquagenarian lovebirds David and Amy Davies are few and far between. But just last night, after a nice dinner and a bottle of the second cheapest red on the menu, they came home to find their youngest still awake watching Simpsons reruns. "To...

14 July, 2016. 15:025 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact With a dead rubber, pointless rugby league match set to be broadcast in a couple hours from now - the great unsung heroes of Channel Nine sport are furiously doing what they do best. It is believed that the Channel Nine NRL orchestra have been 'flat chat' for the last eight hours under the...