Public Health Professional Rewarded With Luxurious $18 Meal Allowance For Year Of Service
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A Betoota Heights woman is preparing to share in the spoils of victory tonight, and she and her extended team celebrate another year.
With her boyfriend's finance boat party and her brother's all expenses work Chrissy party weekend away down on the Sunshine Coast having come and gone, Shonelle Phillips is now looking forward to her time in...
Suburban Mum Breaks From The Shackles Of Conventional Cooking By Using French Onion Soup Mix As A Spice
CONSTANCE RIVERA | Grievances | CONTACT
In a quiet yet groundbreaking culinary pivot, Betoota Heights mum Karen Mitchell has declared that French onion soup mix is no longer just for soups—it’s now her go-to spice.
The 53-year-old mother of three says she stumbled upon this revelation while preparing her signature slow-cooked beef.
“I ran out of stock cubes, and the French onion packet...
Advice Column | Making Big Financial Decisions Based On Your Gut Instinct Is The Best Way To Lose Money
DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | CONTACT
Did you know there is an inverse relationship between those who think they’re a genius and those who actually are one?
That’s right. Statistics show that the smarter a person is, the more riddled with self-doubt they are, and so think themselves stupid.
Contrarily, complete numbskulls are brimming with unquestioned self-belief in their own genius....
“That Band Is So Mainstream! I’m Into [2nd Most Popular Band]”
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
An arvo down at the park took a serious turn today as professional beard guy Gregory Guest (28) revealed he is a bit more Valiant than Mustang.
A staple of the rough-around-the-edges but violent-in-the-middle watering hole The Betoota Grace Of Court Hotel, Guest can often be spotted at the pub giving people tips on how to play the...
Tattoo Parlour Must Not Be That Good Because No One Is Smoking Darts Out The Front
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A Betoota tattoo parlour has outed itself as an absolute dud shop today as witnesses report that at several times during the day there was no one out the front smoking a dart.
Known as the place anti-vaxxers go to break their ‘no needles’ rule, tattoo parlours are identifiable by their spiky fonts and gaggle of inked employees...
Family Starve To Death Waiting For Motormouth Aunties To Unwrap Presents
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
Christmas is a time for family, sharing and tragedy today as an entire family starved to death waiting for a few chatty aunties to shut up and unwrap their presents.
The unnamed aunties, who are already known to local police, reportedly had a history of over-organising Christmas to the point that most family members did most...
Late 20s Woman’s FB Notifications Mostly Just Invites To Like Ex Boyfriend’s Business Page
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
A 27-year-old woman has today discovered that Facebook is nothing more than a psychological torture device.
Casey Lang says she’s been moving on with her life when a notification on her phone had her reeling all over again.
The notification, wedged in between a tagged meme and some weirdo liking an old profile picture of hers, was an...
Old Woolies Green Bag Under Kitchen Sink Gets Second Life As Dad’s Airport Carry On
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
In a rare bit of good news for the environment, the rate of global warming will be put on hold today after a local Dad decided to reuse an old enviro bag.
The story comes as 48-year-old father of two, Neil Lowes prepares to travel interstate today, for his yearly family holiday to Coffs Harbour.
A...
Local Man Starts Hitting Up Turkish Barber To Avoid Pesky Small Talk Of English Speakers
MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT
A local man has admitted that he’s been getting his hair cut at a nearby Turkish-run barber simply to avoid any small talk that might arise.
Jake Harrow (28) is a typical Anglo-Australian who, like most Anglo-Australians, keeps it fast and loose when it comes to his preferred barber. He generally just goes to whichever one is closest when...
Good Sledging At Grade Cricket Game Turns Up A Notch After Players Start Using LinkedIn For Ammo
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
Some A-grade level sledging is echoing across a D-grade cricket match this afternoon, as two teams of summer warriors get stuck into each other on the pitch.
With the Betta Electrical Rednuts sitting precariously at 4/19 in this afternoon’s T20 game at Hussey Oval, it’s believed the rapid collapse of the top order has inspired the...
