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No No No No Nooooooooooooooo, Older Sister’s New Boyfriend Looks Like This

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local family unit is today coming to terms with a tough new reality. The immediate members of the Hipwell clan are currently trying to reconcile their brains with the first images of the eldest daughter's new boyfriend. A fairly tight knit group of two parents, 4 kids and two rusted on partners, the Hipwell's are generally a...

Pandemic Support Floofers Put Up For Adoption In Record Numbers Because Their Owners Are Selfish Yuppie Fucks

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As many around the nation begin shutting down for the year, those on the frontline in health and service roles are gearing up for some chaos. One sector in particular is the animal rescue and shelter community, who are currently being swamped with animals ahead of the festive season. This comes as shelters report record amounts of animals...

Shit. Country Bloke At Work Christmas Party Has Moved Onto The Rum And Cokes 

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A Betoota CBD establishment is currently bracing for a Category 4 weather event this afternoon. The severe weather warning was announced a short time ago, after Jayden Berrigan was seen ordering a rum and coke at the bar. That, has workers and meteorologists concerned, given the very rural upbringing of the big fella. While Berrigan has spend...

RBA To Lower Rates Immediately After Labor Is Booted For Being In Government When Rates Went Up 12 Times

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The Reserve Bank of Australia has finally given the nation a bit of clarity on what's the plan with interest rates. After announcing yesterday afternoon that they would be leaving rates on hold, RBA Governor Michelle Bullock has revealed when she and her organisation will be lowering the magic number. Speaking exclusively to The Advocate a short time...

Bloke Who Looks Like He Went For A Swim In His Work Clothes Confirms, Yeah It Is Pretty Sticky Out There

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local office guy from Betoota Heights is today doing his best to remain cool. Not only in the physical sense, but the mental and metaphorical sense. This comes after the hot-blooded man named Cole Williams entered his CBD workplace looking like he'd just been for a dip in the Remienko Aquatic Centre down the road. Trundling into...

With Gun Control, NY Assassination Would’ve Been A Simple Egging  

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT It can be confirmed that the murder of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson could have been avoided had the US copied Australia’s strict gun laws, as he would have simply copped an egg to the head instead. Doing what America does best, which is remaking a popular premise from another country, the CEO shooting is similar to a famous incident...

Police Reveal How Luigi The UnitedHealthcare Shooter Evaded Police For So Long

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The New York Police Department have today revealed how the man behind one of the most publicised murders in recent times was able to evade police for so long. Speaking to The Advocate this afternoon Australian time, officer Frank Stone explained that the suspect managed to stay on the run for such a long time, with one simple...

Honeymoon Stage Over As Girlfriend Gives Local Bloke Nudge When Driving Past Billboard For ED 

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact After months of dancing through fields of sunflowers and holding hands as they eat ice cream in the moonlight evening - a young couple have been confronted by reality.  That’s right, Ashley Moloney and Brett Ainsley have officially ended the honeymoon period.  Famous for being the dreamy time of life before the first big fight or fart, the honeymoon period...

Peter Dutton Reveals Ambitious Plan To Solve Housing Crisis, Cost Of Living Crisis, Energy Crisis And Long Term National Economic Security Crisis By Not Standing In Front Of An...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The likely next Prime Minister of the country has today revealed a bold ploy to fix our ailing nation. Fresh off the back of dismissing the CSIRO's rejections of his batshit crazy nuclear plan (which is just a one pager with some thoughts on it), Peter Dutton has offered up another nugget of gold. Taking to Sky News...

CSIRO Labelled ‘Woke Lefties’ After Confirming Libs Nuclear Plan Will Cost Twice As Much As Renewables

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The nation's peak scientific body has today been accused of forgetting their roots. Despite being founded and grounded on the field of science, the CSIRO has been attacked for seemingly departing from the tried and tested. Rather than be hailed as the voice of scientific reason in an ever murky age of post-modernist truth, they have been accused...

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