Single Woman’s Year Starts With Heartbreak As Same Daily Victorian Spam Call Stops Calling
MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT
In a tragic twist of fate that has left local single woman Sophie Hutton (28) devastated, the same relentless daily Victorian spam call abruptly stopped gracing her phone screen.
For the past several months, Sophie had developed a special kind of bond with the mysterious phone number that would call her every afternoon for the past 18 months....
Unused Life Ring On The Ferry Sends Local Office Worker Into Heroic Daydream
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Inspiration has been found in the inanimate today as a local office worker spied an unused life ring on the ferry and began a series of heroic daydreams where they might have just saved a life or two.
On their way to a job that they hate more than themselves, office worker Percy Herbert (32) decided to sit...
Advice Column | Win Your Next Court Case By Being Extremely Wealthy Before It Starts
DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | CONTACT
Have you ever been sued by a disgruntled former employee, or a disgruntled former spouse?
I know I have.
Or perhaps you’ve been taken to court by a disgruntled former child you’ve disowned, or a disgruntled former acquaintance or even a random stranger who you’ve made disgruntled just by behaving like a rich narcissistic douchebag...
Tiger Loaf At Melbourne Wet Markets Just Disappointing Crispy Bread
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Crowds of adventurous/species-destroying diners at a Melbourne wet market went home empty bellied and upset today as alleged ‘Tiger Loafs’ turned out to be no more than some logs of disappointing, yet crispy bread.
Due to Melbourne being Australia’s most European city, there is a demand for obscure meats that may upset the local vanilla omnivorous population who...
Why Marmite Is Better Than Vegemite But Not Better Than Easy Clicks On Your Website
JAMIE HOTTAKE | Outrage | CONTACT
OK “Australia”, we hate to break it to you but love to say it; Marmite is better than Vegemite.
Let’s just admit it, Vegemite is weird!
It looks like something Gwyneth Paltrow should be selling as a colon cleansing candle for $99 a pop.
Marmite meanwhile has a more saucey sensibility that is actually suited to actually going...
Local Man Caught In The Cruel Cycle Of Being Stressed Because He Can’t Get A Leg Over But Not Being Able To Get It Up Because He’s Stressed
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
A Sydney bloke who’s been struggling with some stress-induced performance issues has found a solution after spotting a cheeky billboard from the men’s health clinic ‘Mosh’, which promised to help him ‘get it up faster than the fish markets.’
Speaking candidly to our reporter, Adam Debonati, 33, says his work stress unfortunately had a ripple effect on his performance...
Young Parents Who Went A Leather Couch To Avoid Stains Kinda Would Prefer Stains Right Now
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A young father of one is today coming to terms with the price of having a nice aesthetic.
Attempting to peel himself off his leather couch a short time ago, Aiden Brown says he's does kind of regret a big furniture decision he and his partner made.
"Yeah, it seemed like a no brainer at the time," sighed...
Local Spreadsheet Filler Boasts Heavy Duty Retractable Lanyard Like He Works For The FBI
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A big four accountant is on the march this morning, as he makes his way into his CBD office to crunch some numbers.
Strutting through the downtown finance district at 9:10am this morning, witnesses say local taxation consultant Simon Withers (31) was parading with the air of diligence usually displayed by White House security guards or...
Boss Punishes Employees With Commercial Radio
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Local employer Andrew Dobb (54) has today treated the crew to unwarranted bout of punishment.
As the boys showed up on site, their boss made a point of letting them know he was there first by switching the radio to a commercial station that plays mostly ‘70s and ‘80s rock with a side of washed up hasbeens as...
JB Hi-Fi Employee Can’t Tell You What Blender To Get But Can Tell You Dookie Was Green Day’s Greatest Work
CONSTANCE RIVERA | Grievances | CONTACT
JB Hi-Fi employee Ryan McDonald has made it abundantly clear that while his knowledge of household appliances is practically nonexistent, his expertise in Green Day’s discography is top-tier.
It all kicked off when a customer asked Ryan for advice on choosing a blender. Ryan, who couldn’t tell the difference between a blender and a food processor, scratched...
