Politics

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT In a story that would have dominated the newscycle in simpler times, One Nation founder and leader Pauline Hanson was stung multiple times by wasps while gardening in her backyard earlier this week. While presumably pruning all the colourful flowers while leaving the white ones, the Queensland senator was stung multiple times by the swarm of wasps leaving her...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT There have been reports of a rather noisy Quiet Australian being hospitalised in Central Queensland this afternoon, after gatecrashing a regional Labor branch meeting to relay Sky News talking points in front of the recently selected local candidate. Complete with his salmon Calvin Klein polo, local property investor Huxley Hector-Darby (55), was last seen leaving a local country...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactWith the election just around the corner, Prime Minister Scott Morrison has decided to put on his marketing hat once again today to come up with a new campaign that can benefit both his public image and aged care workers - and also his insatiable thirst for violence. After watching just one episode of Squid...

EFFIE BATEMAN | LIFESTYLE | CONTACT In breaking news that nobody except 99% of the world’s scientists could have predicted, it appears as though the country is yet again on fire.Western Australia has been battling away against persistent and disastrous bushfires over the course of a month, while residents of both Tasmania's wild north-west and Victoria’s Grampians are being met with extremely urgent...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Scott Morrison has all but secured the warehouse and fruit markets vote today, by telling Australia's blue collar workers that he believes children could manage their roles when they get sick. With a shortage of workers crippling supply chains due to the fact that this virus is out of control and our borders are still preventing underpaid immigrants from...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Scotty from Marketing has today truly outdone himself by suggesting an incredible solution to the nation’s food shortage. After copping major flack for empty supermarket shelves, teacher shortages and nurses working overtime to treat the overflowing ICU beds, Scotty has refused to concede defeat by admitting his fuck ups, and has instead turned to brainstorming. In what has become a...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT With Australia deciding they have heard just enough about an unvaxxed Serbian hotel room enthusiast who is really good at hitting a ball, Prime Minister Scotty from Marketing is hoping that a new debate will dominate the news cycle before anyone realizes cough testing is being privatized. At the time of writing, state governments are working towards a system...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the Novak Djokovic debacle continues to unfold in Melbourne, it's been revealed that Sky News and its Murdoch counterparts have been particularly silent on a particular issue in the saga. Nearly a week after Djokovic was detained in Melbourne, the network that serves as a news bible for conservative parents has somehow forgotten to attack Scott Morrison...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Bad news for Australians who tried to do the right thing in 2021 as Prime Minister and occasional politician Scott Morrison has confirmed we are going to have to live with this virus, gesturing towards Nationals MP George Christensen. Dubbed the Member for Manilla by his peers due to his time spent overseas, Christensen has caused controversy over his...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In the newest hand grenade thrown directly into the Prime Minister's lap by his rural colleagues, Nationals leader Barnaby Joyce has today penned a 3500-word op-ed in The Age that has the potential to completely fuck over Scotty's glorious new AUKUS partnership. AUKUS is a trilateral security pact between Australia, the United Kingdom and the United States, announced on...