Politics

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Former Acting Premier of Victoria James Merlino is enjoying a union-mandated rostered day off (RDO) today after months of leading the nation's most European city-state through the wagging tail of the Pangolin's Revenge. The snow-guns were on in Melbourne's CBD today as Merlino took time to blend into the crowds as best he could. Now...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Federal Labor backbencher Joel FitzGibbon has threatened to walk away from his own party for the 356th time this morning, after learning that a state electorate of mostly polo horse breeders and hobby farmers have decided to vote the same way they have been voting for the last century. Honest Joel says Labor's "devastating" loss in the NSW Upper...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Prime Minister Scott Morrison has today assured the nation, and the world, that we are on track to meet our climate obligations. Speaking after announcing a 600 million dollar investment in a gas-fired power station in the Hunter, Morrison explained that the government will combat climate change by giving handouts to giant fossil fuel companies. "The 10 billion a...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Opposition Leader Anthony Albanese has today demanded answers from local community figures regarding that mint condition 5 litre Holden Berlina sedan parked on the main street of Five Dock. "Oi Donny!!" Albo yells, as he busts through the door of a prominent gentlemen's barbershop. "Whose wheels are they out front" The entire barbershop waiting room jumps to attention and rushes to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Federal Government is calling on the nation's young people to take on six to seven figures of debt to prop up the hyper-inflated national property market in an effort to keep on securing the grey vote. To do that, the Federal Treasurer Joshua Frydenberg is allowing first home buyers to use the savings young...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact State governments have today publicly demanded the Prime Minister do more to help with the quarantine effort. After handballing the vast majority of responsibility for quarantine to the states, they have now asked the nation's leader to let them use Commonwealth facilities that are sitting idle. West Australian Premier Mark McGowan has led the charge, today requesting that...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison has announced a lucrative new plan that will see international trade booming once more. According to the self-titled Larrikin-In-Chief, Mr Morrison is in the process of securing a lucrative deal with a Nigerian Prince who he has a close and personal email connection with. “They picked us specifically! All they need us to hold onto...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Controversial Nationals MP George Christensen has announced he will not run in the next election, a move that has been praised by the Coalition for improving their chances of actually getting re-elected.  According to a Wikipedia typo, Mr Christensen has been the member for the division of Dawson in Queensland, despite spending 40 weeks in four years in Thailand...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Australia's very own Member for Manilla has sensationally announced he will be walking away from politics to pursue a career in boxing. The maverick borderline conspiracist made the call last night, revealing that he would not re-contest the next election in a bid to kick-start a career throwing hands. "Paul Gallen. Let's dance little man," said the MP...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation's Prime Minister has come out all guns blazing this week, and laid down a plan for what our future looks like. Not by coming up with any policy utilising the renewable resources we have at our disposal, but by drawing a big strong line in the culture wars sand. Speaking at a Business Council meeting where...