Politics

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Australians around the nation are letting out a small collective sigh as they acknowledge the annual picture of our ‘sometimes-for-a-treat’ Prime Minister Scott Morrison singing with his eyes closed at a super-Church is on the way. The Easter long weekend is a four-day break made up of two public holidays on either side of a weekend to observe the...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Inspired by a Jordan Peterson video on YouTube, occasional Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison decided to make a win for himself today and held a press conference to show support for Australian women. Despite already being an occasion worth 80% of the nation’s daily eyeroll quota, the press gallery was stunned when Mr Morrison made his way to the...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT With it more clear than ever that the culture of the Canberra bubble is in serious need of a retcon, the big guns have asked Red Frogs to come in and consult with Parliament House staff. Founded in 1997, Red Frogs are a volunteer group founded by a youth pastor, known for frequenting schoolies and o-week type events, ensuring...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation's Head of Marketing has today been brought to tears by some of the acts that have taken place inside his workplace. This comes after the man doing his best to try and shed some crocodile tears was forced to refuse to answer more tough questions about the culture inside parliament house, and the acts that have...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The off work Attorney General has reportedly caused a bit of a scene over the weekend. With Sunday just another day for the politician whose on generous mental health leave (something most people can't even contemplate), Paid Leave Porter decided to fire up the mower. However, rather than wait until mid-morning, or lunch time, or even a weekday in...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT Local cow BR433A, or as she prefers to be called ‘Marjorie’, has today reacted with fury after being referred to as a “lying Linda Reynolds”.  The slur, delivered by Marjorie’s sworn enemy, cow BR183C. Senator Linda Reynolds came under fire this year after her abysmal handling of a sexual assault allegation came to light. In 2019 a junior staffer...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT In exciting news for the future of space travel, SpaceX, the commercial space travel company owned by bizarre billionaire Elon Musk, the US National Safety Council has deemed SpaceX no more dangerous than the most dangerous mobile phone, the Samsung Galaxy Note 7.  SpaceX was founded by Elon Musk in 2002 and has since set many impressive space-travel milestones....

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Australia's population has today revealed that they are rubbing their hands with glee at the idea of paying for our Attorney General to engage in a lengthy and costly legal dispute with our public broadcaster. This comes after the man too busy to answer questions about his behaviour and clear his name in an independent enquiry, decided to...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT After a huge day of protests across the country, the Attorney General has tried to create a weird smokescreen to prevent people from asking for an independent inquiry into his behaviour. With the March4Justice rallies demanding action to be taken on the toxic culture in politics, as well as gendered discrimination, violence and harassment - Paid Leave Porter...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT With March 4 Justice rallies taking place across the country today, the Federal Government has been urged to take the issue as seriously as other society-threatening ills - like needles in some fruit. This comes after a month of the government failing to adequately address the accusations of sexaul assault being levelled at it's employees. As huge numbers...