Politics

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation's shadow leader has this week reportedly contemplated the idea of offering up some shadow policy. This comes after another few months come and go with the leader of the Opposition coasting along in the background, presumably biding his time until the lead up to the next federal election. Seeming to somewhat kick out of nuetral, Anthony...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As January 26th arrives, Australians have the annual discussion about changing the date. For some non-Indigenous Australians the idea of changing the date is bloody stupid and it’s a day for everyone because they said so on Sunrise.  Additionally, many non-Indigenous Australians accomplished in the fields of special relativity and time travel have confirmed that ‘you can’t change history.’ Luckily...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Local woman, Eliza Thompson has always been what people would consider a ‘level headed’ person. Not one to believe in star signs, moon charts, or the effects of mercury being in retrograde, Eliza has never really felt the need to comfort herself with blind faith until now. She’s just been dumped. Eliza was reportedly pretty blindsided by...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT Peter Dutton has this week welcomed the advice of experts calling for right-wing terrorism to be included in a new inquiry that has been mostly aimed at examining the type of terrorist perpetrated by people who don't like like they would be cast on Home and Away. The parliamentary joint committee on intelligence and security will run the...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT The leftie piece of shit inner-city small-L New South Wales Liberal party have today once again proven that they aren't beholden to anti-science agenda of their Federal contemporaries. Matt Kean, the NSW MP that admitted he thinks Climate Change might be real when millions of acres were on fire due to climate change, has continued to rub...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT With time running out for departing US President Donald Trump to demand the recounts and proceedings he needs to win the election he lost, White House staffers are reporting their usually frolicsome leader has lost some of his natural pep.  “He hasn’t thrown a dart at me in weeks,” stated leader of the White House Porters Ian Reinfold, who...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation has been rocked today by the revelations in the Afghanistan War Crimes Report. As a result, the nation is asking for answers on how the appalling culture that facilitated the murder of Afghans and promoted war crimes as a badge of honour was allowed to develop and go on unchecked for so long. The wide-ranging report...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As if 2020 could not get any weirder, local landscaper Timothy Foster (30) has just now begun a paleo diet.  Also known as the caveman diet, the paleo diet focuses on eating foods consumed by our Neolithic forebears such as meat and $14 protein bars. Alleged benefits of the diet include improved health, increased libido, and a sense of superiority...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Once again late to follow a trend Melbourne has already moved on from, Adelaide is home to Australia’s latest outbreak of COVID-19.  Initially mistaken for a weird new recess food, The North Adelaide Pizza Bar Cluster includes 20 new and 14 suspected cases of COVID-19 with up to 4000 individuals being told to quarantine until they test negative for...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Federal Government has signed a $1.2 billion compensation deal in relation to the botched automated debt recovery scheme that resulted in $398 million in wrongly raised debts The bogus debts have since been dismissed, and the government has agreed to pay $112 million in compensation to the families of those that killed themselves, or lost their entire livelihoods...