‘Omg We Need To Go!’ Says Woman Sending Best Mate Yet Another Restaurant They’ll Never Visit
STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACTIn a never-ending game of social ping pong, Michelle Caulfield has once again sent her best mate Fiona Perez a restaurant they will, in all likelihood, never visit.
“Omg, we need to go!” Michelle exclaimed, sharing a reel of “The Gilded Grape,” a swanky new wine bar in Betoota’s French Quarter,“the anchovies on toast look so good!”
“Gorg, they...
Local Woman Forced To Chuck Meal Prep In Freezer Again After Dining Out For The Third Night In A Row
CONSTANCE RIVERA | Editor | CONTACTIn an all-too-familiar scene, local woman Hayley Ryan has once again been forced to shove her meticulously planned meal prep into the freezer for the third consecutive night, following yet another spontaneous decision to dine out.
The 26-year-old marketing coordinator, currently saving for her first home, had made a firm resolution to start meal prepping to save money and...
Bloke With Black Tint Privacy Screen Protector On His Phone Either A Drug Dealer Or Cheater
MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT
It's been reported that anyone sporting one of those privacy screen protectors is either a drug dealer or a cheater, with no middle ground in sight.The black tint, designed to prevent prying eyes from glimpsing the contents of one’s screen, has inadvertently become the new mark of suspicious intent. “It’s like wearing a sign that says, ‘I have something...
Elephant Pants Recognised As A Clear Warning Sign For Unhinged Opinions On Modern Medicine
MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT
Experts have finally confirmed what many have long suspected: hippie elephant print pants are an unmistakable red flag for erratic and often unhinged opinions on modern medicine.
"My heart sinks anytime a patient walks into my office wearing those things, I just know it's going to be a huge test of my patience" Krish Patel (44), a local GP.
"It...
Queensland Women Call For State Election To Be Decided Via An Arm Wrestle
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactWomen across Queensland are rallying for the state election to be decided through an arm-wrestle between Labor candidate Steven Miles and Liberal candidate David Crisafulli, as tensions rise over recent revelations that reproductive rights could be on the chopping block.
This follows the Katter Party's announcement that they will be pursuing support for a private members' bill aimed at...
Bloke On LinkedIn Explains How Starting A Business Prepared Him For Grief After Family Dog Was Run Over
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactLocal entrepreneur has taken to LinkedIn today with some wise words of inspiration for his 2056 followers, after coming to the conclusion that dealing with the grief of losing a beloved family pet is just like running a business.
Taking to his laptop mid burial, Arthur Jacobs, 33, let his fingers fly free as he quickly smashed out a...
“Should I Get A Postie Bike?” Wonders Every Australian Male At Some Point In Their Lives
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A Betoota Heights man has today reached the point that all Australian men reach at some point in their lives where they consider buying themselves a used Postie bike.
Oscar Munro, a 32-year-old city worker, is in the process on consolidating his life.
He is now married, in debt to the Commonwealth Bank to the tune...
Local Woman Feels Wave Of Relief After Realising She Was Looking At The Povo New Zealand Price Tag
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA woman on the hunt for a new pair of sturdy work boots has experienced a bit of shock this morning, after briefly mistaking the povo New Zealand price tag for the real price, it’s reported.
Explaining that this is not the first time this has happened, Mikayla Tran, 26, says she doesn’t understand why price tags have both...
Bloke Who Claims To Be Into His Fishing Doesn’t Even Have 10 Opened Packets Of Nuclear Chicken Soft Plastics Scattered Throughout The Boot Of His Station Wagon
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Local man Greg Simmons has had his fishing credentials called into question today, after mates uncovered an alarming lack of essentials in the boot of his 2010 Holden Commodore Omega; the engine light illuminated permanently due to the timing chains stretching.
Greg, a 38-year-old painter who’s been banging on about how "mad keen" he is...
Corporate Alpha Female Finds Natural Partner In Low Functioning Tradie Who Has No Opinions Of His Own
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA French Quarter woman who’s well and truly smashed the glass ceiling has found a natural partner in a low functioning tradie, who’s so blissfully unaware of current affairs he likely believes negative gearing is a sequel to Top Gear.
Rachael Smalls, 33, a high flying lawyer from the French Quarter, says it would have been all too easy...
