Local News

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactLocal millennial Hannah Fisher, 32, has found herself spiralling into an existential crisis today, after witnessing her 14-year-old sister, Chloe, using a skincare regime so convoluted, it took thirty minutes to apply. Speaking to The Advocate, Hannah reveals she'd stayed over at her mum's house last night, having finally succumbed to the almost daily requests to have dinner with...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactLocal woman Renee Donahue, 33 is this week rethinking whether reaching the next milestone of her relationship was a good idea, after yet again finding herself barricaded from using the toilet in the morning as her boyfriend undertook another one of his 30 minute shitting sessions. Moving into a small but well laid out studio apartment in the nicer...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA clueless bloke from Betoota Heights has unknowingly committed quite a serious dating faux pas this weekend, which has left his date grappling with an ick she’s not sure she can get past, it’s reported. Having organised a cute first date within just days of matching on Hinge, Adrian Holt, 29, was off to a stellar start when he met...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactBetoota Heights woman Darcy Gale, 29 has today revealed that she believes her addiction to role playing games may have ‘permanently’ rewired her brain, causing her to gamify everyday interactions, it’s reported. Originally developing an addiction to the Sims as a kid, Darcy says she still sees those little negative interaction icons flash in her brain whenever she has...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactRecently divorced mums everywhere have discovered the ultimate cure for post-divorce blues: a dramatic photoshoot in a grassy field with their kids. “It’s like, the moment the ink dries on the divorce papers, the universe hands you a floppy hat, a maxi dress, and the GPS coordinates to the nearest field,” said Maeve Plemens, 29, who recently finalised...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTA pudgy boyfriend is expected to be put on a diet this week after his girlfriend realised not all footy boys “need to pack on some size” during the off-season. Enjoying some beers at their local, local pair Jared Tookey and Georgia Grey were doing their bit for Queensland and watching the Brisbane Lions run out onto the MCG,...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT As the AFL Grand Final gets beamed into millions of living rooms and pubs across the nation, Australian Mums continue to dream of the day their daughters will bring home a gorgeous polite boy like Isaac Heeney, it can be reported. As the 6ft tall darling midfielder for the Swans leaps across the grass stage at the MCG, The...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTA local council candidate who vowed to clean up the streets has yet to pick up their election placards that continue to litter the suburb. Residents of the once pristine neighborhood are now navigating dozens of cardboard signs, many of which have ended up on the footpath. Rain-soaked placards adorned with smiling faces and empty slogans like "A Cleaner City"...

STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACT OOO ORGANIC ROASTED NUTS: A local woman’s carefully planned savings goals have been derailed after a casual trip to her local health food store where she accidentally descend into the depths of the nut section. Sophie Jenkins (31) had every intention of sticking to her budget this month—until she found herself wandering past rows of artisanal almonds and...

STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACTA well-meaning millennial has taken it upon herself to educate Gen Z on the true origins of ‘brain rot’, claiming that the viral TikToks they endlessly scroll are mere child’s play compared to the TV shows her generation grew up on. Jess O’Connor (34) recently found herself in a heated discussion with her younger colleagues after they complained...