Local News

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTTeenagers have been told to brace themselves for a bumper tax increase, especially those who just gave a $50 to a tradie who said he’d buy them a carton.Members of one such tax bracket are a group of Betoota Ponds youths who accidently paid the piper, or rather paid the plumber, after they trusted the high-vissed stranger to...

CONSTANCE RIVERA | Grievances | CONTACTA sharehouse in Betoota Heights has accidentally embraced minimalism after the sudden departure of the housemate who owns most of the furniture.Once a cozy home brimming with second-hand white goods, mismatched couches, and an assortment of IKEA storage solutions, the house now resembles an almost zen-like space—four walls, a couple of mattresses, and a lone camping chair...

STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACTTHATS A 2025 PROBLEM: In a stunning twist that has left her colleagues both amused and concerned, local office worker Lucy Bennett has declared that her late November problems can wait until 2025. With the holiday season fast approaching, Lucy has decided to adopt a carefree attitude towards her mounting to-do list, confidently stating, “Why stress now when...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact A recent report from just about anyone who's been to the Australian Capital Territory in the last couple years has found that Canberra are very serious about drinking local. This is interesting, for a town that's main source of income revolved around hosting public servants and diplomats who are not from there. However, it seems Canberrans do not feel the...

CONSTANCE RIVERA | Grievances | CONTACTIn what can only be described as a classic case of misguided optimism, Tom Finch (27) moved to Melbourne six months ago from Queensland in search of “a change” but is now just cold and wet and in a different state.  Ruling out Sydney as “way too expensive,” Tom settled on Melbourne, believing it would be an incrementally...

CONSTANCE RIVERA | Grievances | CONTACT In an audacious move, local upper-middle-class art couple Sebastian and Miranda Ashcroft have bestowed upon their newborn twins the profoundly Shakespearean names of Ophelia and Cassio. The Ashcrofts, who met at an immersive performance art piece titled The Tempest: Reimagined, say they’ve always dreamed of naming their offspring after literary figures to reflect their shared love of the...

CONSTANCE RIVERA | Grievances | CONTACTA Melbourne couple hit a pivotal milestone in their relationship today after capturing the sacred "pensive boyfriend at gallery" Instagram shot. Vivian Vo (24), a self-described “art lover” with an Instagram feed curated to resemble a modern art exhibit, successfully coaxed her boyfriend, Felix Pearce (26), into looking like he knew who Yayoi Kusama was at the National...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact A bloke that met his girlfriend at a rave a few months ago has today been heard complaining about her hedonistic lifestyle, having been somewhat surprised that a girl he met while partying, likes partying! Speaking to The Advocate, a frustrated looking Jacob Oates, 28, explains that he wishes his girlfriend Tanya would settle down a bit, stating that...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Once-popular social media service, Bebo, is making a comeback with young people across Australia as they prepare for the impending apocalypse. The thinking teen's MySpace has been in the social media doldrums for nearly 20 years with users abandoning it in the late 2000s for other platforms such as Snapchat and the Face Book....

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTThe Foreign Minister's office has devised a plan so crazy it might just work. With the election of Donald Trump last week, many Australians have grown uneasy about the known hostility between him and the Australian ambassador to America, Kevin Rudd. While many on the right are crossing their fingers for Kevin Rudd to be humiliatingly sent back to Australia,...