Local News

CONSTANCE RIVERA | Editor | CONTACTWhat started as a simple attempt at winged eyeliner for Jennifer Gallo quickly spiraled into an unintentional tribute to the late singer Amy Winehouse. The 27-year-old Marketing Coordinator had intended to add a subtle flair to her evening makeup routine before heading out to an underground bar in Betoota’s French Quarter.  However, after 20 minutes of painstaking effort, she...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA millennial woman has expressed feelings of pride for a younger coworker today, after seeing the 23 year lay down some boundaries with the boss without batting an eye. Erin Stonestreet, 32, confesses that she still finds it hard to be assertive in her thirties, but that her younger coworkers seem to have no issue with speaking up and...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Betoota’s resident anthropological expert has today released a groundbreaking report revealing a new phenomena that might be gracing your social media feed.  No, we aren’t talking about ‘brat summer’s’ or ‘demure and mindful’ content, we are talking about your townie cousin living large.  Expert and Professor of Sociology Grant Williams explained that a serious uptick in the amount of euphoric...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT Recently divorced 65 year old Grant Fowler has once again reaffirmed his admiration for the culture, food, and traditions in the land of smiles, Thailand. After a yet another trip to the South East Asian nation, it appears that Grant has once again spent time exploring the beauty and diversity of Thai culture, in a trip that would have...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA group of property investors have defended their decision to rent out a home going through extensive renovations, by insisting that forking out just $200 for a room is a ‘steal in this economy.’ Having purchased a run down shack just a ten minute walk from a university, which is akin to buying an orange property just six spaces...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Australia’s leading wagering company, TAB, has somehow announced a loss of $1.4 billion for the 2024 financial year. The revelation has left industry experts questioning how a company designed to profit from gambling could fuck things up so spectacularly. The loss, which includes a $1.38 billion writedown of "assets" in South Australia and New...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactClients at a popular Betoota ponds tattoo parlour were given the shock of their life yesterday, as reports suggest a man was treated to a ‘heavy duty dermabrasion’, when his credit card failed to pay for an eight hour tattoo session. One woman, Ellie Farbour, 27, who was getting a sigil tattoo tattooed on her forearm at the time,...

KEITH T. DENNETT | REAL LIFE | CONTACTThe suburban streets of Betoota are being treated to a symphony of nu-metal classics today as a local whitegoods installer goes about his roster of deliveries. Driving a Hino 500 series truck packed with washing machines, fridges and new dishwashers from the West Betoota Harvey Norman, Brian Davis (35) has spent the morning blasting KoRn’s ‘Follow The...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIn an astounding display of mental gymnastics, Betoota Heights woman Anita Gunn, 25 has denied all accusations that she has a vape addiction, by insisting that only ever has a couple of puffs when she’s having a drink. Sitting in the lounge of her slightly dilapidated terrace sharehouse with her roomie Chelsea, a slightly buzzed Anita had insisted that...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact With the first scorching days of spring here, French Quarter pub enjoyer Mark Thompson bid farewell to the Guinness tap at down at his local. "For me, Guinness is like a cozy blanket in a glass," Mark told The Advocate down at the Royal Commercial Railway Courthouse Hotel on Rue du Putain. "But once...