Boomer Who Never Worked Longer Than 9-5 For 40 Years Says Right To Disconnect Is Typical Of Lazy Youth
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAn elderly Betoota Heights gentleman has taken to Facebook today to share his thoughts on the right-to-disconnect laws, claiming they are just another example of what he sees as laziness and entitlement among today’s younger generation.
Despite having worked multiple cushy government jobs that never required him to stay past 5pm, John Haversham, 65, reckons these new laws are...
Local Bloke Wishes Cat Could Ask For Attention Without Shoving His Leather Cheerio In His Face
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local bloke has yet again found himself begging his cat to please, please stop shoving his arse in his face, after yet again being bombarded by Pookie’s earnest leather cheerio when he got home this afternoon.
Stumbling into his apartment early from a shit day of dealing with dumb fuck clients, Ian Reynolds, 32, was prepared to rewatch...
“So… Net This Weekend?” Asks Fourth Grade Cricket Captain Seeing Fellow Pubgoers In Shorts This Afternoon
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
As the weather begins to warm up and blokes start showing up at the pub in shorts, a familiar question has started circulating among Betoota's fourth-grade cricket teams.
"So, are we having a net soon?"
Leading the charge is local fourth-grade captain, Mitch 'Big Mitch' Saunders, who’s been keeping a keen eye on the sartorial...
Dad Too Stubborn To Call A Plumber To Make Problem Ten Times Worse With Botched DIY Attempt
CONSTANCE RIVERA | Editor | CONTACTIn an astounding showcase of stubbornness, local Betoota Heights dad Gary Palmer managed to turn a minor plumbing fault into a full-blown disaster after a botched DIY attempt.
The mayhem began when Gary, the self-proclaimed jack of all trades, noticed a pesky drip coming from the kitchen tap. Ignoring his wife Deb’s advice to call a plumber, Gary confidently...
Mate Who Nipped Finger Off Using A Mandoline Still Convinced It’s More Convenient Than A Knife
CONSTANCE RIVERA | Editor | CONTACTIn an unsurprising twist for anyone who knows him, local Betoota Heights resident Kyle Watson remains steadfast in his belief that his mandoline slicer is the pinnacle of kitchen convenience, despite recently slicing off a good chunk of his finger.The mishap occurred last night as Kyle set out to recreate the viral TikTok cucumber salad that’s been making...
Local Woman Asks Boyfriend If His Pixelated Soccer Players Are Making Him Sad Again
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA woman coming home to a very sullen boyfriend has come to the conclusion that his pixelated soccer players have made him angry again, having deduced that the playstation controller discarded on the lounge room floor was done so in rage.
Noticing he was quieter than usual and appeared to be ruminating over something in his head, Gwen Hobbs...
Man Enjoys His First Pre-Function Beer In Hotel Room As The Go-To Mask Goes On
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
With the clock ticking towards 3, local man Darren Jenkins has officially kicked off his wedding day ritual by cracking open his first pre-function beer in the comfort of his hotel room.
Stationed at the Riverside Hotel with a sweeping view of the Brisbane River, Darren has already completed his simple getting-ready routine. His suit...
Local Bachelor Treats Favourite Winter Tracky Dacks To First Wash Since Easter
KEITH T. DENNETT | REAL LIFE | CONTACTA Betoota man who doesn’t own a bed base is patting himself on the back this morning, after finally putting his favourite tracky dacks through the wash.
Trent Drayton, a 33-year-old warehouse foreman, has decided it’s time his treasured pair of grey Kmart trackies went for a wet spin, after they copped a few splashes of madras...
Aspiring Brat Girl Struggles To Grasp What It Really Means To Live This Life
STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACT365 PARTY GIRL: In a tragic display of misplaced ambition, local Instagram baddie, Tiffany Bloomfield (22), has found herself grappling with the harsh realities of living the "Brat Girl" lifestyle.
Despite an endless stream of TikTok tutorials and Pinterest mood boards, Tiffany has struggled to fully embody the essence of what it means to be a Brat Girl.
“It’s...
Bloke At Event With An Open Buffet Unable To Stop Gorging Himself Like An Unsupervised Labrador
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local bloke has reached a new level of piggery at a networking lunch today, that has not gone unnoticed by his peers, it’s reported.
Tristan Reynolds, an analyst for tech accelerator startup hub ‘Salmonburners’, is alleged to have been invited to the lunch meetup under the guise of meeting other members of the robust coworking community, but appeared...
