Local Fitness Bro Asks Wife If They Can Park Argument As He Hasn’t Reached His Daily Strava Target Yet
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIn a tragic display of a fitness addiction gone awry, Betoota Heights mortgage broker Tom Mathieson, 32, has gotten himself into the bad books today, by insisting on parking a much needed discussion with his wife in favour of reaching his daily Strava target.
Like many other 30 something blokes who work in finance, Tom has become an avid...
“Must Be the Moon,” Claims Local Woman As Life Crumbles Around Her
STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACT
I BLAME THE MOON: Lucy Harris (31) is convinced that the moon is the culprit behind her life’s recent spiral into chaos. As her job, relationship, and general well-being teeter on the brink, Lucy points to the universe for answers.
“It’s definitely the moon,” Lucy claims as she opens up her Co–Star Astrology app for answers.
“Everything’s going wrong,...
Newlyweds On The Verge Of Divorce Every Time One Drives And The Other Navigates
STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACTTAKE THE SECOND EXIT: In a heart-wrenching twist of marital bliss, local newlyweds Matt and Sarah Jenkins (both 29) are discovering the true test of their love lies not in the vows exchanged, but on the open roads.
The couple, who tied the knot just six months ago, find themselves on the verge of divorce every time they...
Scientists Still Working Around The Clock To Figure Out How Anyone Found Spacers Cool
MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTThe CSIRO still has a team of scientists working around the clock, dedicated to figuring out what on earth goes through the minds of anyone that decides to get spacers.
Ear spacers are cylindrical pieces of jewelry that fit snugly into larger diameter body piercings, usually in the ear. This body modification soared to moderate popularity in the 2010s...
Local Woman Indulges In Yet Another Season Of The Absolute Brain Rot That Is Emily In Paris
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman has found herself demolishing the first half of season four of Emily in Paris in just one night, despite having absolutely no positive things to say about the show.
Tegan Wilston, 32, who ironically works in the same profession as the protagonist (or antagonist) Emily Cooper, admits she demolished the first three seasons of the show...
“You’ve Been On That Bloody Pinterest Again, Haven’t You?” Asks Man Who Returned Home To Find Pots And Pans Hanging From Curtain Rod
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A Betoota Heights man exhaled without prejudice Tuesday evening after returning home from work to find his kitchen transformed into what can only be described as a Pinterest-inspired fever dream.
Wayne Gilroy, a 35-year-old digital serf at some barely solvent marketing agency, arrived to discover that his wife, Terry, had suspended every pot, pan,...
Work Trip To Melbourne Went Well, Says Sad And Irritable Husband
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A local city worker returned from a work trip to Melbourne on Sunday night feeling 'down' and 'irritable', according to his domestic life partner.
That's despite the assurance that everyone went well and the deal they went to do is all but done.
Speaking to The Advocate today in the new Starbucks under our Daroo Street...
Woman Notified Package Has Landed In Australia And Will Now Spend 2 Weeks In Some Depot Down The Road
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman has expressed her frustration after her much-anticipated online purchase arrived in Australia in record time, only to sit idle in a random warehouse in Betoota Ponds for what feels like an eternity.
Amy Turner, 29, was delighted when she received a notification that her international package had landed in Australia just two days after ordering, figuring...
Bloke Who Pulled His Back Getting Out Of Bed That Morning Lies And Says It’s A Footy Injury
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA bloke who’s never done a team sport in his life has today told some porkies about his physical prowess, after prying coworkers implored why he kept rubbing his lower back and wincing in pain.
Tim Bernthal, an insurance analyst at Bunghole Brokers, tells The Advocate that he’d somehow woken up with a severely pinched nerve in his lower...
Miles To Cricket Australia: “Fuck’s Sake There’s Nothing Fucken Wrong With The Fucken Gabba You Fucken Southern Fucks”
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Our premier Steven Miles has said Cricket Australia's decision to prevent the Gabba from hosting Test matches after the 2025-26 Ashes because the stadium is getting long in the tooth is disappointing.
Speaking to the media today in Brisbane, Premier Miles said he feels frustrated because we all know there's not much wrong with the...
