Local News

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local man is grappling with his mortality today, after ending up in a rather uncomfortable situation last night.  Betoota Heights local Robert Blinken explained that he’s coming to terms with his age following a little venture into a Roma Hills nightclub called the ‘Cold Press.’  “Fuck I feel old,” sighed the 29-year-old man this morning.  “The stinging headache and vodka...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT As she works her way through a pile of dishes that appear to have been lightly doused in water, a humorous Linda Spencer jokes that if she wants something done right, she’ll have to do it herself. Though this statement may seem innocuous enough, the Betoota Heights local is allegedly no stranger to picking up the slack and is...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A Brisbane local has today apologised for being a disgusting pig, after picking up her mate in a car that didn’t look like it came from a showroom. It’s alleged Janice Hobson had agreed to be a driver in exchange for petrol money and a ride buddy, for what should be a fun girls trip to the coast. This...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With the cryptocurrencies now entering the mainstream, a vast number of Australian retailers are now accepting forms of payment that are neither plastic or paper. Luxury car dealerships, travel agencies, and sporting franchises are all lining up to barter with computer money instead of the old fashion Australian dollar. However, it would seem that cryptocurrencies aren't the only form of...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A former country girl turned city professional is glued to her phone today, taking voyeuristic pleasure in witnessing some seriously spicy hometown drama unfold on Facebook. Despite spending the last six years living in the city with no intention of ever moving back to the quaint town she once called home, 25-year old Paralegal Caitlin Andrews...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local Year 12 student has felt a wave of relief wash over her body this evening, after some choice words from her cousin. Strolling home after 'bombing' another exam, Aisling McCarney was feeling pretty glum about how she had performed in her final school exams of the last couple of weeks. However, despite feeling like she had...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT The token office trainwreck has today regaled some pretty wild stories to her boomer colleagues, after spending a weekend away with some mates, it’s reported. Though Riley O’Connell is the baby of the office, she’s surprisingly built up quite the rapport with the older women in the team, who are more than happy to live vicariously through...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Gritting his teeth, a local bloke figures he’s got at least thirty minutes before his parents either have an argument or rant about something they’ve read online. This was quite a common occurrence whenever Mason visited for dinner, which then saw him spending a good portion of time debunking the latest boomer bait. Clickbait is commonly used by major...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT With flocks of Sydney Hens parties about to flood the Hunter Valley, local limo drivers are reportedly giving their collection of ‘Puke Pots’ a thorough wash. Reports from The Advocate’s Hunter Valley bureau have identified several stretch limo drivers from Pokolbin who are gearing up for a big weekend, with local weather forecasting light showers of backseat...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The inquiry into whether former Gladys Berejiklian breached public trust has moved behind closed doors this afternoon, as the former NSW Premier continues to be pressed on the details of her relationship with Daryl Maguire. The Independent Commission Against Corruption in NSW is currently investigating if Berejiklian acted improperly, with her relationship with the former MP for Wagga being...