Local News

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A local group of children have learnt a good and honest lesson about capitalism today whilst trying to offload the last of their charity fundraiser chocolates. After selling a few super-sized Fredos to friends and family, the siblings soon realised that the fundraiser could work a lot quicker with an easy target that would buy the lot. It is for...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT For local woman Millie Connor, the idea of being assertive leaves her feeling a little anxious. Having grown up in a household where she learned to distinguish her dad’s emotions by the sound of his boots, Millie spent her formative years trying to keep the peace and remain as inconspicuous as possible - a trait that continued well into...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A Betoota Heights local has today exhibited some pretty questionable morals by vehemently defending his shifty mate, it’s reported. James Gretchen is alleged to have been questioned by his girlfriend Bree in a heated spat, as she was pretty over his mate Jackson being slimy to her friends at every given chance. This fight occurred just shortly after a...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Betoota woman April Bing decided to try her hand at guided meditation this week. According to Bing, the constant noise of modern living led her to trying one of the popular guided meditation apps that have been advertised to her thousands of times amongst all the media she consumes. “My mate tried it and said it really helped her,” stated...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister is recovering after being thrown under a passing bus this afternoon by another one of his colleagues. Earlier today, Scott Morrison was thrown under a bus by Liberal New South Wales Premier Dom Perrottet after the latter announced that microchipped travellers from overseas would be allowed to come here and not quarantine...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After a very long year of snap lockdowns, extended lockdowns and shifted jab roll-out targets - hundreds of thousands of families across Australia are starting to feel like a pressure cooker heading into Christmas. Medical misinformation is thriving on social media and group chats right around Australia, a disaster that came as a saving grace for the Morrison Government,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Betoota's popping Roma Hills nightlife precinct was apparently the place to be on Saturday night. That's according to a squad of local usos who could have been mistaken for furniture. The town's prominent hip hop nightclub, Da Highlander, is well known as the go-to destination for the Islander boys who make up the playing group for The Betoota Dolphins RLFC...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A regional dad has today been spotted with a wallet that is falling apart so badly, you’d think it was fifty years old. Steve Phillips had received the wallet only a year earlier but it’d likely broken down at a rapid rate as it was handled with sweaty, oil-coated fingers every day. Despite having bits of threads sticking out...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A local woman has today gotten pretty full on with her description of things she’d let her celebrity hall pass do, it’s reported. This topic was said to have come during a walk with the girls, with each member of the group listing a celebrity they’d like to root if given the chance. As the usual responses of Henry Cavill,...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT After a long week of filing insurance claims, local girl Ali Grabham has officially declared that she’d getting fucking lit tonight. So far, it seems like the plans are for the girls to have some pres at Lisa’s before heading out for a few cocktails at their local wanky rooftop garden, ‘Tres Bubbles .’ Or so, that was the original...