Local News

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT According to a new study, researchers have been able to pinpoint the exact moment 90% of millennials figured out they were bisexual. Managing director Ian Flynn states they were able to determine a contributing factor, citing that the 1999 smash hit ‘The Mummy’ was responsible for a mass wave of confusion - with many bisexuals recounting it as a pivotal...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT WE'VE DONE ALL WE CAN: US President Joe Biden says he stands squarely behind his decision to withdraw American troops from Afghanistan, after rebel forces seized power in just over a week. The US-funded Taliban overpowered US-trained Afghan Armed Forces and swept into Afghanistan’s capital Sunday, after the US-backed Afghan government imploded and the embattled president joined an...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A bloke visiting his divorced father has discovered that the old man isn’t very good at looking after himself if his pantry is anything to go by. James Reuter is alleged to have taken the drive down to his father’s property in an uncharacteristic act of goodwill, after watching the Adam Sandler movie, ‘Click.’ Aiming to recreate his childhood...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact While people in more developed parts of the country like Queensland, Tasmania and the Democratic People's Republic of Western Australia (DPRWA) can enjoy trips to the pub and their favourite restaurants without the fear of catching the Sydney Sneeze, there's only one place in Australia where a local man can enjoy a Riverina rollie...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights father has been charged with assaulting popular pizza delivery man, Dougie, after the fast-food worker allegedly failed to follow the correct spicy cough safety protocols when delivering a pizza to the Green Avenue address. Police will allege that Mark Dale Smith, 65, put a good one on Dougie's chin after he opened...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT When it comes to visiting nonna, all those who frequent know there is one area that can’t be touched - the good room. Designed with absolutely no function in mind, the good room acts as a timeless relic for guests to view but never use. An idea that makes no sense, given that none of the furniture can be...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A local bloke has today surprised himself by remembering a few lines of code from his RAWR era. Dean Paytas was allegedly tasked with uploading some blogs for one of his digital marketing clients when he found himself having trouble segmenting paragraphs on the front end of WordPress. Despite pressing the enter bar numerous times, the paragraphs insisted on...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Known for being a man of few words, Phil Lawson has offered little information about his past. The mercurial father of three is said to have originated from Cairns, spending his youth shooting roos and cane toad hunting with his several brothers and sisters. Other than gleefully recalling memories that involve a violent activity, Phil only seems to offer up...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A rugby stalwart from our town's Heights district reckons this cough going around mustn't be that bad because the lady on the government ad about the dangers out it looks about as puffed as he is by the first break in play. Speaking candidly to this masthead this morning at the Betoota Heights Bumble Bees...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local bloke Kip Blundstone (26) never thought he'd ever experience a hangover that topped the shopping trolley incident of 2019. Waking up on the floor of his childhood bedroom underneath a stolen Aldi trolley, that he'd obviously paid two dollars in coins to remove from the rack, is not how anyone would want to get discovered by their 82-year-old...