Local News

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT An impromptu family lunch has brought up some suppressed rage courtesy of a couple of bottles of cheap port, it’s reported. The Tomlinson household had convened for a chat over some Brie cheese and water crackers, when the topic soon changed from social niceties about nieces and nephews, to past regrets. “We had the opportunity to buy...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Local bachelor Aaron Wells has been a little out of touch with the ladies since his breakup and has reportedly regressed to his teenage ways. The heartbroken uni student had recently moved his belongings to an on-campus share house and is rumoured to have only left his room to use the toilet or to heat up some...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A local bloke has briefly postponed an awful hangover thanks to a panic-induced adrenaline rush, it’s reported. Lachlan James says he hadn’t planned a night out but when a mate suggested some Saturday afternoon drinks at the local RSL, he couldn’t say no. As the beers began to morph into rum and Cokes, Lachlan chose to...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT Betoota local Patrick “Spiderman” Hayes has inadvertently found himself international fame after wandering out to the bins and into the hearts of dancers everywhere as he stumbled through a spiderweb and subsequently invented an exciting new move. The “Electric Ninja”, which involves walking normally across the dancefloor, before suddenly ripping invisible spiders off your body in a panicked manner...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A young Birkenstock wearing couple, Bindi Aye and Archie Freeman, are this afternoon treating themselves to a nice lunch. After enjoying an entrée the couple began to let their judgmental eyes roam around the restaurant. It’s believed it was at this point that they noticed the Kelly family, another couple slightly older with a 5-year-old boy. Bindi...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Lisa Edmonds hadn’t been planning a social outing when she ducked out to Westfields. Warning that it’d only be a quick trip, Lisa and her two young daughters had piled into the SUV for an impromptu outing as the household was in dire need of mince. The frazzled mum was in the middle of reminding her daughters again...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Lisa Fields had reactivated her Tinder for the seventeenth time when she ended up matching with a cute footballer named Greg. Not expecting to hear anything from him, Lisa was pleasantly surprised when he messaged her “How r u?” “I’ve not had a lot of luck on Tinder,'' says Lisa. “Most of the time you don't get a response...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A Betoota Heights woman has today confirmed to her Instagram followers and Facebook friends that she has been caught up in a Pyramid Scheme. The confirmation comes not in the form of a verbal admission, but in the medium of a 7th healthy living themed post in the last week. Bethany Matterson's (24) explosive return into people's social...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A local mum has today forgotten her Apple ID password for what may be the seventeenth time in the last 12 months. Julie Wills reportedly started having a go at her daughter for not remembering it either, despite being told multiple times that she should either write it down or use the same password across all her accounts....

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Despite being in one of the hottest countries in the world, Betoota Heights woman Heather Mills has never been able to be anything other than pasty pale. Preferring the term ‘porcelain’ rather than ‘pasty’, Heather admits that her pride often took a hit during the summer months, as it was impossible to go anywhere without seeing perfectly olive...