Local News

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT In the neverending saga that is sharehouse optimisation, residents of a French Quarter terrace house (known by tenants as Myrtles McMansion For Troubled Teens) have cracked a new storage method set to rock the culinary world. To save space in the lower cupboards which are infamous for spilling their entire contents whenever opened, the housemates formed a silent pact...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A real estate agent has today failed to see the irony of the ‘Justify your existence’ bumper sticker he has on the back of his Land Rover, which serves as both a token of his upbringing and a sign to anyone within viewing distance that he must be avoided at all costs. Oliver Erikson reportedly left his hometown...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT Not even two years after putting down half a home deposit on an extravagant wedding that got rained out anyway, Betoota Heights-based builder Greg Anasta has today learnt that young fatherhood is also paved with overpriced necessities as well First up, the pram. Like so may men before him that aren't as engaged in a pregnancy as their partners...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local drinker has today made a suggestion that raised a few eyebrows in his social circle. Bradley Stubbs brought on a few scoffs from his friends by beginning to rave about this ‘new drink called a seltzer, that everyone has to try.’ Acting like all his mates have lived under a rock for the last 12 months or so, Stubbs then continued...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A simple insurance query turned into an hours-long ordeal for hapless customer Eva Stephens; or at least it would have if it weren’t for the reassuring recorded voice reminding her how important her call was. “I was starting to think that I was just another number on an automated call routing system staffed by soul-less underpaid automatons counting...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local outdoor enthusiast by the name of Shawn Williams has today hit out at our money-grabbing government - claiming that all national parks should be free. His claims came after a day trip to the Betoota Ranges Conservation Area, where he was slugged a whole $8.40 for the right do drive up to a glorious lookout area...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A report conducted by Betoota's University of Western Queensland has concluded that girls group chats are pretty quickly descending into a near schizophrenic whirlpool of poorly articulated emotional outbursts. Local researcher Anita Rollason tells our reporter that she’d first been alerted to this phenomena when she’d seen her niece taking a photo of herself crying and holding up the peace sign....

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT A galaxy of excitable men powering through champagne mimosas at a prominent coffee house in Betoota's trendy French Quarter have been identified by staff as either gay party boys, or a group of young English soccer hooligans. It can only be one of the two. The energy currently resonating from their table can only match that of a...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local father of some teenage kids has decided to stir them up today. Rob Waters (48) did so this morning after coming to the snap conclusion that his daughter Cindy (16) and son Aaron (13) were old enough to hear about their parents indulging themselves last night. Enjoying a morning coffee with his moobs dangling around...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT Betoota's most promising skip hop prodigy, Lil Barbie, has today 'fucked up the game up' - in his own words. The 23-year-old former dux of Betoota's School Of Performing Arts, has attracted over 90,000 views on his newest YouTube banger "Technical Miracle". After dropping 6 or 7 short vertical video selfie freestyles over the last 12 months, Lil Barbie...