Local News

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A clinically depressed local woman had reportedly been unable to leave her bed, after again seeing the world for what it really is. Despite being on a heavy dose of SSRI’s, Sarah Mills couldn’t seem to shake her bleak thoughts and has turned to the comfort of a doona to deal with her pain. However, after suffering...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact “I know it’s the last thing I should be thinking about when I board the plane, but it’s literally all I think about,” Stacey Little tells The Advocate while at the Betoota Domestic Airport waiting to board her two-propeller plane to the State’s capital, Brisbane. “It’s always the right propeller, it bursts into flames and in my mind I...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local boyfriend has today saved himself the time, money, and stress that comes with a big-ticket anniversary gift and just decided to sort out a little novelty pressie. Speaking to our reporter at the self-serve checkout in Betoota Heights, the man named Chris explained that he just decided to get a box of choccies and an outside...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local store for a giant Supermarket chain has been commended for lavishing it's overworked and lowly paid employees this weekend. The Betoota Heights store whose employees earn a tiny bit above minimum wage reportedly treated its staff to a Christmas Party function at the shittest pub in the area, FitzGilGoooleys. With the party pies, sausage rolls, and...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A 2001 Honda Civic has today fallen victim to a deadly combination of a 5000 Watt Subwoofer and a dubstep track, it’s reported. Though 28 year old William Stubbs is too old to be driving around in a car with a rear spoiler, he’s somehow made the experience all the more embarrassing for his date by blasting ‘Scary Monsters...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT As local bloke Lucas Peyton painstakingly cuts together a four minute promo video for a childcare centre, he begins to wonder if the freelance life is really worth it. When he’d studied film and television at university, he’d imagined himself shooting documentaries for Vice or editing promo videos for nightclubs. Had he known that those three years would have...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some breaking news from our French Quarter today, a local man from across the ditch has revealed he doesn't own a single basketball singlet. Yep, you are reading that correctly He doesn't own a Tall Blacks singlet, or a Breakers one or a LeBron one, or even a Jordan Bulls one. The shocking news was revealed over some...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact As Santa alters his regular procedures to accommodate social distancing, children are being advised to choose sturdy presents that will survive the new zero-contact delivery technique; slam-dunking the presents down the chimney.  “Our Risk Assessments have shown that employing social distancing is the most effective way of preventing the spread of COVID-19, said Danielf, the North Pole’s OH&S...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A new mum has unwittingly committed a huge social faux pas, after casually announcing she plans to skip sleep training, it’s reported. Natalie Pryor had allegedly been feeling a bit down in the dumps, as she’d quickly discovered being a new mum was fraught with loneliness, boredom, and a lot of unwanted advice from family members. In an effort...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT Local Italian, Brad De Luca (32) reckons this is gonna be the summer of local Italian, Brad De Luca (32). The former Betoota Mutts prem grade flanker turned socially alcoholic roofer reckons if he can get in 100 rounds of boxing before Christmas, and maybe 10 to 15 kilometres a day on the assault bike, he's gonna be...