“Schools Need To Bring Back The Cane,” Says Bloke Who Says All Cops Are Power Trippers
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
MPs trying to pass the pub test could learn a thing or two from local pokies dweller Shane Clay (48) as his eighth Bundy and Coke and sixth pineapple fed into the Queen of the Nile have brought his opinions out in full force.
As the alcohol increases his leniency to justify his already widely shared opinions, onlookers were...
Husband Throws Out $200 Tupperware Like A Thai Take Away Container
TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact
A local cabinetry maker has caused a scene this morning after throwing out his wife’s $200 glass Tupperware instead of cleaning it like a normal human.
It’s believed the container Brandon Lofty threw out had 2-week old Thai fish curry in it, a pungent dish at the best of times, but after a 2-week stint festering in the fridge,...
Rattled Restaurant Manager Asks Local Bushy If He’d Like Some Steak With His Salt
TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact
A local restaurant manager is being treated for shock after he witnessed a customer completely destroy a wagyu steak with 3 tablespoons worth of salt.
“I couldn’t stop him” a rattled Carlos Manuela told our reporter over the phone while cowering in the cool room.
“The customer is always right, but this?”
“I tried to make a joke with him, I...
Country Girl Hoping Entire Staff Party Drunk Enough That No One Notices Her Moving To The Rums
TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact
After hazily scouring the room through squinted eyes, a drunk Sarah Thornhill is slowly making her way towards the bar to take her night into the rumosphere.
For someone who’s often described as boisterous and attention seeking, Sarah is tonight sneaking through the crowd with a rum in each hand, praying to her white bear god that no one...
Girls Drinks Pauses For Moment Of Solemn Reflection After Anaconda Comes On
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT
A local session in the Old City District has taken a brief moment to pause and pay thanks to one of music's modern greats.
Getting together for a slowly accelerating catch up, a group of girls were well on their way after a few happy hour margaritas.
However, with a cheese board demolished and the second bottle of...
Corporate Party Gal Brings In First Friday Of Spring With Floral Pattern That Could Blind Ya
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Things often feel bleak at the Betoota Direct Orders Of Outdoor Furniture (DOOF) head office.
Not necessarily because of the rise of online competitors, or the founder and CEO's very public in-house infidelities that appear to have shaken the business to its core.
But because this place is mostly made up of time-stamp punching lifers who are just waiting out...
Man That Wears Fedora With Straight Face Reveals He’s More Into Jazz Music
TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact
In news that has shocked literally no one, a local fedora-wearing man has revealed to The Advocate that he actually enjoys listening to jazz music.
Quentin Gilmore, a 40-year-old miniature train specialist, made the confession while sipping a piccolo at a French Quarter café.
“You wouldn’t think it, but I love jazz”
“It just speaks to me”
“skeep-beep de bop-bop beep...
Relationship Now Serious Enough For Local Girl To Show New Boyfriend Her License Photo
TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact
April Carmen and Trick Lockett have been dating for eight and a half months.
The young couple began dating after Trick hit on April at the Betoota Ute Muster late last year, and since then the two love birds have gone from strength to strength.
They’ve gone through all the major milestones; graduating from texting to calling, sleeping over on...
Dad Visibly Disappointed His Family Took The Old “Don’t Get Me Anything” Literally
TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact
A local dad has struggled to hide his emotions this morning after waking up on Father’s Day and finding that his family had done absolutely nothing for him.
Speaking to The Advocate over a piece of Vegemite toast, Trenton Edwards, explained how this is the first time all year that his family has listened to anything he’s said.
“They asked...
Office Boomer Found To Be The Only One Going Near The Arrowroots
TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact
CCTV footage from inside a Betoota cardboard box factory has solved one of 4Sides’s biggest workplace mysteries.
For months the emptying of the kitchen biscuit jar had remained shrouded in mystery, however, The Advocate can now exclusively reveal it was operations manager, Terry Kapp (65).
Despite arrowroots being the shittest biscuits, Terry has been filmed eating upwards of 5 biscuits...