Local News

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE |CONTACT A year eight classroom has united today, after their teacher Mr Ellis made the mistake of divulging a detail from his personal life. Taking a small break from teaching the class about the adorably named but thoroughly confusing ‘box and whisker plots’, Mr Ellis casually mentioned a rock concert he went to in his youth. Deep down, he should...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Business bros and start-up lifers are loving the newest trend sweeping the finance world; taking a quick micro-run before going to the bathroom to freshen up. At least that was the case for sweating stock broker Jeremy McKewn (40) who emerged out of the pub toilet looking like he’d just been for a run moments before. “Pushing it for the...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT One long-acknowledged charm of regional Australia is the local TV commercials, usually featuring the business owner talking in a monotone droll or going the complete opposite direction and doing something that just wouldn't fly in the city. Every once in a while however, a regional TV viewer will stumble across a rare gem of a locally produced ad that...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact In another blow to Tasmania, residents have been further isolated by the loss of the state’s internet.  The technical difficulties have come at a bad time for Tasmanians, many of whom are still reeling from a local share market crash earlier this year that wiped literally tens of dollars off the books.  Since 1997, Tasmanian internet has been supplied...

BEAU RIVERS | Local News | Contact Local metalhead Jay Degura has today really pushed the limits of his workplaces’ casual Friday tradition, rocking up in a vintage Cannibal Corpse long sleeve. Jay is kinda new to this whole office culture, having spent the last three years trying to get his Kung Fu-Goregrind-Metalcore band off the ground. “I started getting weird looks straight away,” Jay...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local pub in Betoota Heights has today performed a little magic trick. The Bearded Pig on The Link Road in our aspirational district, did so this morning by turning 10 kilos of the cheapest bulk beef mince into Wagyu. Wagyu is a type of beef that is growing in popularity around the country and the world for...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As social distancing restrictions slowly begin to lift in Betoota's Roma Hills nightlife precinct, the work/life balance has almost returned to normal for local DJs. Except now they are only asking for cash, in an effort to drag out JobKeeper for as long as they can - while they squirrel away some savings out of fear that they could...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some genuinely surprising news from Betoota Heights this afternoon, it's been revealed that a local man is actually smarter than the entire medical and scientific fraternity. This comes after the man who gave himself a mad tattoo after highschool, revealed that 'coronavirus doesn't actually exist.' Todd Ferris explained that fact again in his latest Facebook post, where he...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Sorry advertising, but someone already got Dad exactly what he wanted this Father’s Day. Betoota Grove Arts student Bartholomew Crandle (21) has gone all out for Father’s Day this year by pretending he is doing Commerce subjects in front of his dad Chris Crandle (50). During upper-middle-class BBQs with his extended family, young Bartholomew is usually interrogated by family members...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact 2021 has been another rough for Absinthe Carlsson, 19. The self-confessed Festival Fiend has been staring at the brightly-coloured festival promo posters plastered around the bedroom of his Western Sydney sharehouse, knowing full well that they have all since been cancelled due to COVID-19.  “It’s been tough” he said. "I haven’t been to a festival in months. Last...