Local News

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local transport and motoring customer service employee has been left scratching her head after fielding a bit of a left-field question today. Janet Brighton (63) is relatively new to her role at the Betoota Heights local Department of Transport and Main Roads Customer Service Centre and is still finding her feet in the busy office. That was...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT At age twenty seven, you’d think Lauren Howe would have outgrown the need to binge drink herself into oblivion every weekend. However, after recently calling off her engagement to her childhood sweetheart, Lauren has been given somewhat of a new lease on life, as her future plans of settling down and buying a home have suddenly been quashed. In some...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT It’s said that if every person worked in customer experience at least once in their lives, the world would be a kinder place.  If not  to stop the abundance of Karens, but to also put an end to common misdemeanours such as shoving used napkins into half drunk glasses of beer ‘to help out’ or in Aldi cashier Jayden...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A local woman has today consulted the stars to figure out why her crush has dialled down the heat, it’s reported. Leona Robertson was allegedly in the early dating stages with a young gentleman by the name of Chris, when the barrage of affection had slowed to nothing more than the occasional head pat, and the good morning...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Cody Chapel (33) does not ask for much.  All Chapel asks for is a labouring job without drug tests, enough money for some beer, and a decent connection to the earth and NBN. He’d also ask that people consider their own prejudice before making assumptions about him based on his appearance.  “I’d also like people to know that I’ve had...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Choosing to do some spring cleaning at the latest possible time to do so, Leane Trivoski (58) decided to conquer the enigmatic enemy of minimalism that is her kitchen messy draw. “It’s just the sort of place we keep things we don’t need right now but will probably need later,” stated Trivoski as she ran a hand through a...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local punter is refusing to rest on his laurels it can be confirmed. Following a huge win on a horse, no one tipped, Ben Wilson, is today looking to keep the good times rolling with a roughie in the US election. Nursing a monster hangover, and working from home, Wilson is today furiously trying to research the...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Nine years ago, millennial Tessa Paulo (26) was promised by her parents that Facebook would rot her brain. Turns out, Paulo’s parents weren’t wrong but not in the way they had intended.  A nationwide survey of 1,155 families has determined that the average parent spends 30% more time on Facebook than their children ever did during high school. “It’s pretty hypocritical,”...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As Australian Halloween celebrations continue to increase in popularity so to the opinions of people who think the event is a crock because they never did it when they were kids. “If I’d of tried that my mum would have given me the spoon,” states boomer and Halloween denier Carol Colt (68).  “And this was when the streets were still...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Alison should have known by his chinos and slicked-back hair that Alex Gardener was either a spoiled trust-fund kid or worse, a real estate agent. She reports that her first date with Alex had been going well until the topic of favourite movies had come up, and he’d listed American Psycho in his ‘top five.’ “The movies he listed just got progressively worse”, says...