“These Fucken Guys Have It All Worked Out” Says Man Learning That Kiwi Fish And Chip Shops Also Do Chinese
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Betoota Heights man Brad Thompson was humbled today as he discovered that fish and chip shops in New Zealand also offer a full range of Chinese food, causing him to reevaluate his perception of our friends over the dutch .
"I always thought they were a bit backwards, you know? That's why the smart ones...
Rex Largely Unaffected By CrowdStrike Outage As Their Systems Are Run Entirely By A Single Dell Inspiron Running Windows Me
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Country airline Rex has sailed through the recent CrowdStrike outage unscathed, thanks to their system's reliance on a single Dell Inspiron running Windows Millennium Edition (Me).
While companies across the globe scrambled to respond to the cybersecurity firm's unexpected downtime, Rex staff were unaware.
"Outage? What outage?" quipped Rex's Chief Technology Officer, Davis Davis.
Unlike their...
Local Man Prepares To Break Prolonged Dry Spell After Taking Up Bazlenka And KP’s Hygiene Routine
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A local man is today preparing to turn his life around after getting served up ads of KP and Bazlenka repping a new deodorant.
Following one of the longer dry spells in his sharehouse, (so long that his mates no longer even joke about it) Brayden Williams says it’s time to get serious about getting back on the open...
Hamilton Island Guest’s Life Flashes Before Eyes After Seeing They Do RBTs And He’s Had 25 Schooners Of Stone & Wood And No Dinner
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A tourist's dream holiday almost turned into a nightmare last night when he discovered that even on the car-free paradise of Hamilton Island, police perform Random Breath Tests (RBTs) on golf cart drivers.
The man, identified only as "Leo," reportedly had consumed a staggering 25 schooners of Stone & Wood and no dinner when...
Last Days Of Dive Bar Upon Locals As Little Men In Carhartt Jackets Discover It
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The Flightpath District in Betoota is known for its light industry and local charm. However, the winds of change are blowing through the neighbourhood, as a new wave of skaters in Carhartt jackets have discovered the beloved watering hole, The Black Box.
Once a haven for aviation workers and long-time locals, The Black Box is...
Competitive Parents Brag About What Suburb They Bought Their Useless Children A Starter Property In
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The latest scuttlebutt from our towns golf courses and hair salons suggests local Baby Boomer-age parents are now flaunting their offspring's lack of achievements by boasting about the upscale suburbs where they've bought their children starter properties.
Gathered around a dining table in Betoota Grove, Helen and David Armitage, of the Armitage cattle family,...
With All This Crazy Stuff Happening In The World, Local Man Reckons We Just Do A Spag Bol Tonight Babe
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
As the potential for major conflicts teeters in the Middle East, Europe and now the United States Of America - one local Betoota Heights man says it's time to begin mitigating all risks that his family have control over.
This comes as the USA was spared a domestic civil war by one centimetre over the weekend, following Former President...
Local Commercial Construction Project Manager Shocked To Learn Of CFMEU Wrongdoing
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A local construction project manager said he was shocked to learn this week that the most powerful union in Australia has allegedly been infiltrated by various factions of organised crime.
For over two years now, Darcy Sturrock has been working on the Betoota Bypass Road And Tunnel Project (BBRTP) and has been negotiating with representatives...
Local Man Watches Commercial TV For The First Time In Ages And Just Laughs At How Shit It All Is
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A Betoota Heights man has returned home this evening to his worn-in couch on Greenbow Road and decided, on a whim, to turn on the TV. What he found left him in stitches – and not in a good way.
Marcus Henderson, a 34-year-old software developer, had largely abandoned free-to-air TV in favour of streaming...
Blue Blood Farm Boy Wants To Throw It All Away For The Cute Townie Working At Maccas
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
In a shocking society news this morning, Hugo Montgomery, the scion of the affluent Montgomery Farms, is reportedly considering abandoning his calling for a relationship with Laney, a local McDonald's employee. This surprising romance has become the latest sensation in certain parts of town, some in the upmarket Betoota Grove CWA have labelled it...
