Local News

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local pub employee has given this damn virus a bloody spray over the weekend after it caused a nightmare at his RSL. The casually employed young man who seems to get lumped with the COVIDsafe Marshal vest far more than seems fair, explained that he was fuming at the Corona on Saturday after a large group of...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Teachers aren’t supposed to have favourites, but for art teacher Ms P, it’s pretty evident who she likes the most - Lisa Hadley. Though the majority of the class had chosen the art elective as a way to fuck around for 90 mins, Lisa was the only one who cared to take the subject seriously - meaning that she’d...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact Despite the fact that for most people 2020 has been a dumpster fire of burning medical waste in an empty paddock of crops which are simultaneously scorched and washed away, a single phone has confirmed that it could be much, much worse. The phone, belonging to you, precariously balanced on the toilet cistern in your friend’s bathroom, agrees that while 2020 has sucked...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With Spring around the corner, one Betoota Grove mother has made it abundantly clear that the winter chill is not going to stop her from bringing the Bougainvillea into line. This comes after two long, dark months finishing off the long awaited pergola out the back. However, a month of incessant rain between bouts of crisp July sun, has really...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT With restrictions to stop the spread of COVID-19 in-place across many Australian towns and cities a new phenomenon is being observed by those on lockdown. At the time of writing, the Australian Bureau of Statistics has reported a sharp spike of Spicks and Specks reruns being viewed in cities with the harshest COVID-19 restrictions. Running from 2005 to 2011, Spicks...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact For some the simple mask rule is proving a difficult one to follow, as the nation’s self-styled free thinkers stand up for their rights to not wear a facemask, forcing the government to ask themselves the question; were all those education cuts really worth it? This question comes as a string of Melbourne locals have taken to social media...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT While plenty in Melbourne are sighing at another new rule governing their lives, a few hundred thousand dads are today trying to look on the bright side. Daniel Andrews has announced a permit system for Greater Melbourne, requiring people to show papers from their workplaces to authorities when they’re out and about. However, while plenty of residents are...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local hospitality employee has today decided that it might be time to get serious. The 24-year-old bartender named Sophie Murray revealed to The Advocate today she's borrowed her old man's cattle prodder for the afternoon, so she control these yahoos a bit more easily. The youngest employee at the Royal Commerical Hotel on the edge of Betoota...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some breaking news from Legends Gym in Betoota Heights, local Gym Bro Brad Parker finally has had the purchase of his expensive altitude training mask validated. The CBD accountant who lives his with his aspiring bikini model real estate agent girlfriend in a new project home, explained to The Advocate today that it's great that other people have...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT After months of microwaved meals and subpar home cooked meals, local woman Vanessa Leads is eager to tuck into something that doesn’t come from a package.  It’s true that she could have taken the time spent cooped at home to improve her cooking skills, but there’s just something better about a meal being cooked for you. That, and you...