Star City Adds COVID-19 To Black List
FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact
Sydney’s Star Casino has taken the extraordinary step of adding COVID-19 to the ‘Black List’, effectively banning it from the venue for life.
COVID-19 joins a long list of notable names that have been blacklisted from Sydney's Star Casino - Including Rex Hunt, John Hopoate, Gretel Killeen, the entire 2006 West Coast Eagles side, and everyone one from...
NRL Considering Telling The QLD Teams To Sit The Rest Of This One Out After Fresh Border Closure
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
Following the fresh announcement that Queensland was shutting the border to Greater Sydney, the NRL is once again frantically trying to find a way to continue the 2020 season.
Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk announced this morning that all of Greater Sydney was of concern to the Sunshine State and nobody from that area would be allowed past the...
Metalhead Comes To The Crushing Realisation That The Pits Won’t Open Up Until There’s A Vaccine
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
In yet another sad story from the year 2020, a local metalhead has revealed he's having somewhat of an existential crisis at the moment.
"I realised this morning that I won't be able to open that muthafucking pit up for the foreseeable future," sighed Luke McRae, a local logistics manager at a warehouse in Betoota's Flight Path District....
“Calm Down” Says Bloke Knowing Very Well He’s Escalating Things
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
What was meant to be a friendly conversation has intensified to shouty levels after one mate asked the other to “calm down” despite knowing full well it would escalate things.
During a bloody lovely drinking session wherein the first empties are turned into the ashtrays that will be filled to the brim by evening's end, two of the partiers...
Local Man Breathes A Sigh Of Relief As Random MyGov Inbox Message Turns Out To Be A Tax Statement
EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT
As he opens up his Gmail account, local man Josh Nixon sees a message that makes his blood run cold.
Not a lengthy email from an ex lover, or an unexpected charge to his account.
No, it’s a random inbox message from MyGov.
Josh knows that he should have reported his income a little earlier and that technically, he’s committed a...
Inner-City Boomer Walks Into Noisy Pub Faking COVID-19 Symptoms In Effort To Shut Venue Down
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A local property owner has today continued on her quest to sanitise the suburb she moved into a few years ago.
Speaking from the edge of Betoota's French Quarter, Judy Wilson (67) explained to The Advocate her latest ploy to shut down any semblance of nightlife in the slowly diminishing French Quarter.
"I went into the place a few...
PM Tells Victorians They ‘Sound Like The Missus’ After Knocking Him For Having A Beer At The Footy
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has today told everyone to 'just calm down a little bit.'
"Let's just ease up with all the nagging aye haha," he laughed after facing some questions this morning for why, during a 'holiday to spend time with his wife and kids,' he was spotted enjoying himself at the Cronulla Sharks game on Saturday...
Bar Promoters Scramble To Come Up With Clever Ways To Incorporate Pandemic Into Live Music Events
EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT
With bars and restaurants slowly opening up again, scores of bar promoters are scrambling to come up with clever ways to incorporate the pandemic into live music events. One such pack of promoters - a bunch of Whooton boys who all peaked in high school - have set aside their Sunday afternoon to bounce off some ideas.
The group...
Man Attempting To Refill Pepper Grinder Cuts To Chase And Pours Peppercorns All Over The Floor
TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact
Amongst his friendship group, David Wilson is not known for his ingenuity however this evening in his lakeside apartment in Betoota Sound he has easily silenced all his critics and has actually performed something quite innovative.
While cooking a delicious carbonara for his girlfriend, “the type without cream” he says, David’s pepper grinder ran out of peppercorns.
As anyone...
Apprentice Commits Social Faux Pas By Rocking Up With A Dog That Isn’t From The Bull Terrier Family
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT
An apprentice has today committed a serious social faux pas by rocking up to the worksite with the wrong kind of terrier, it’s reported.
Jared Krisher had been urged by his mum to take the family King Charles Cavalier, Molly, out with him, after she’d grown tired of the pup’s incessant yapping.
Jared reckons that aside from...
