Local News

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Between eating her weight in food and silently cursing every smug dickhead broadcasting their at-home gym session, Betoota Heights local Anita Finn has had to fight off some unexpected urges that have come part and parcel of life in quarantine. Chatting to our reporter over the net, who too was attempted to sate her boredom by getting fist...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact The world-wide lockdown has spat out some pretty interesting and creative ways people are staying sane while spending every waking hour in their homes; gummy bear choirs, at-home fitness classes, baking, and for some unknown reason, everyone over the age of 30 trying to have a crack at TikTok. Local woman, Kansas Cleary is one of these people, uploading...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT In a nod to the 2020 equivalent of landed gentry, forklift operator Damien Cummins has updated his Tinder bio to include ‘Essential Worker’ after somehow managing to stay employed during the COVID-19 semi-shutdown. “It’s just to let the ladies know I’m a cut above those non-essentials of the lower class”, explained Damien, as he carefully packed a burr-walnut pipe...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some potentially groundbreaking news out of Betoota's Flight Path District this moring, a local Nonno reckons he knows what this whole COVID-19 thing is about. Speaking to his grandson this morning, Luca Esposito (82) revealed that the coronavirus crisis might actually be manufactured by 'the powerful forces at work.' Unlike the popular conspiracy theory developed by right-wing boomers...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As the nationwide lockdown continues, around Australia have had to completely rethink their group chat content sharing habits. What used to be filled with photos of ice-cold schooners, and all sorts of other shit, the group chats are now inundated with photos of what they’re making for dinner. The Advocate reached out to a member from one of Betoota’s...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A full and delusional Ava Martin has been found unconscious on her kitchen floor this afternoon after a housemate returned home to see a sprawled-out Ava surrounded by empty food wrappings and Bolognese stained bowls. Ava was rushed to Betoota Private Hospital where she had her stomach pumped and is believed to be in a stable condition on an...

It’s 3pm on a sunny Saturday afternoon in Betoota Ponds, yet hungover local hair and beauty expert, Josie Ross, is lying on her food covered couch with the curtains and blinds drawn.   Ross’s situation came to the attention of The Advocate after her smart watch triggered a 000 call – a new function that has been built in to help...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT With millions of school students stuck at home hogging the big tv and eating all the snacks, one industry is experiencing explosive growth. Unsurprisingly, it’s the medical industry, although the sheer number of new medical research centres is beyond anything Australia has seen before, with over 2 million Research Centres opening in the past week alone, mostly in suburban...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT For the people fortunate enough to have an essential office job that allows them to work from home, this weekend marks two weeks of making home office jokes on social media.  A learning experience for many, there have been several reports of cautionary tales regarding the rationing of porn breaks and double-checking you’re on mute before actually telling everyone...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT As Facebook stays full of spicy cough memes and graphs, one thing is conspicuously absent - anti-vaxxer memes from that auntie that sometimes shows up at family barbecues, trying to talk about stupid shit like chemtrails and the high-speed rail bushfire conspiracy. “We do tolerate her, she’s ok until you get her talking” said nephew Boris, 29. "She must have...