Local News

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact The news that kids can go back to school has excited a lot of people; parents, teachers and especially one cyber-bully who has been itching to get back into the classroom to potentially ruin someone’s life in person, like the good old days. Before she was forced to school-from-home, Roseanna McPherson (15) had perfected her bullying skills – so...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Members of the popular East Coast beach town community have been forced to swallow their pride this afternoon at a town hall meeting after the mayor announced the town’s economy was hanging on by a thread.   “I know you all hate tourists, but for this town to survive we need them” Said Mayor Kimby. The townspeople groaned, knowing that...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Brisbane | CONTACT Snorting and snuffling, a sick Amanda Peterson shuffles her way into her living room with a cup of hot tea and a doona in tow, as she purveys the room for a perfect place to nestle into a fetal position. The twenty-six-year-old was reportedly struck with a stuffy nose and frontal headache a few days ago, and...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton has confirmed that to boost morale and keep the nation secure the next relaunch of Big Brother will take place in every home, building, and public space in Australia. After speaking with key coalition MPs and taking a blood council with The Old Ones, Dutton announced that cameras will be placed in every room...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local tough guy, Jai Hipgrave (26) has taken the last 3 months in isolation as an opportunity to think about all the things he took for granted. He regrets not following up his mate from work about joining the local rugby league club for a social season. He regrets not hammering Tinder a little bit harder and finding...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Brisbane | CONTACT There’s just something about little trinkets and jars that seems to ignite the hunter and gatherer roots in local woman Holly Ellis. The former party girl reports that she’d experienced quite a shift in personality after turning twenty-five. Swapping her seven-inch pumps for a pair of ballet shoes, and her bedazzled clutch for a leather tote, Holly says...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT 21-year-old Alanna Wasson says if she'd known it would be this easy, she would have done it ages ago. The daughter and granddaughter of the Wasson family explained to The Advocate today, that she's just relieved she finally drew her mum into the Generation Wars, with a flagrant comment about Seinfeld this afternoon. "I know that aspiring edgelords and inner-city...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local Betoota Ponds-based Muslim, Graham Warne (29) says he couldn't have imagined a more expensive Holy Month. As a hibernating restaurant waiter, not only is he living off JobKeeper, but it's made worse by the fact that he doesn't have the same access to his mum's cooking as he usually would during Ramadan. He also lacks any form...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local stonemason, Billy Wright (29) does not appear to have the slightest understanding of what is currently happening in the Australian medical fraternity. Arriving today as a subcontractor on the new student accommodation project currently being built on the Betoota WQU campus, Billy has been seen chewing his fingernails and coughing openly like some sort of pre-2020 neanderthal. His...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A construction site in Betoota City Limits has today been rattled by the high-pitched che-hoos coming from above, as the Kiwi scaffolders return from the weekend with a new bunch of TikTok dances that their daughters have taught them. The new shopping centre development on Bedourie Bypass Road is just one of thousands of worksites around the country...