Builder Enjoys A Moment Proudly Surveying Row Of Glorified Tents He Built Shortly Before Company Is Phoenixed
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Esteemed local builder Darren Thomas paused this afternoon to admire his latest masterpiece. A row of houses that could generously be described as "habitable structures" in the burgeoning Betoota Heights estate.
Thomas, whose company HomeFusion Constructions is set to declare bankruptcy next Tuesday, stood proudly before his crowning achievement. The houses, which appear to have...
Family Dog Sees Owners Finally Getting On Top Of Finances So He Decides To Eat Some Grapes
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A local dog has taken it upon himself to eat about 20 grapes earlier today, completely derailing the morning routine for a Betoota Heights family.
It's been a hard slog this year for the Chester Family of Ranger Circuit, but they've managed to cut back and work hard. Now, as the new financial year beckons,...
Government Just Gonna Ignore The Latest Disaster At Failing Queensland Coal Mine Apparently
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
Both the Queensland and Federal Governments have shrugged this week after the latest mammoth disaster at Grosvenor Coal Mine.
“Yeah crazyyyyyyyy aye,” sighed the Prime Minister after learning about the newest crisis at Queensland's largest underground coal mine, spewing a notable amount of poisonous gas and smoke into the air.
“Gonna let that one go through to the keeper haha”
This...
Bored Regional Youth Uses Ethical Lifehack Of Getting A Job And Buying Their Own Car Instead Of Just Stealing One
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A bored teenager from Betoota Heights has shocked the local community by discovering a revolutionary lifehack: getting a job and buying a car instead of stealing one.
Tom Jenkins, 17, has become the unlikely hero of this story, turning his back on the town's traditional pastime of petty crime. Sitting opposite our reporter at...
Mum Avoids Price-Gouging And Keeps Updated On Latest UN Conspiracies By Shopping At Local Fruiterer
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
As the Federal Government loudly declares a new bath of toothless regulations for the Coles and Woolworths cartels, the supermarket duopoly are still competing with one another to see how high they can mark up household items before evertsay Australians start committing acts of domestic terrorism.
After decades of undercutting local small businesses with temporary specials and a dystopian...
Small Town Pie Shop Really Letting Success Go To Their Heads
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTAn Australian slab of tall poppy syndrome might just be what the good doctor ordered after a small town pie shop has really let the success go to their heads.In the coastal Betoota sister town of Magpie Bay, local pie shop The Pissed Patissier has built up a reputation for baking pies so good people from the city...
Progressive Servo Condom Machine Says Ribbed For THEIR Pleasure
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTThe times they are a changin’ in a service station in Greater Western Betoota as the seedy condom machines now offer frangas that are ribbed for THEIR pleasure.In a recent poll by the ABS, 9/10 Aussies agreed the least politically correct space in modern day Australia is the men’s bathroom at a service station that caters predominantly to...
‘Women Are Too Emotional’ Says Bloke Who Wouldn’t Speak To Anyone For 2 Hours After Sua’ali’i Got Sent Off
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local bloke has proved he may be a tad hypocritical, after moaning about women being ‘too emotional’ just weeks after chucking a hissy fit about sportsball.
Ben Miller, 35, is alleged to have made these remarks during drinks with his mates last night, after a chat about his problems with his boss descended into him ranting about ‘women...
Woman Who Never Posts Suddenly Becomes An Influencer After Developing A Crush
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA woman who isn’t that active on Instagram has suddenly started posting a lot of selfies lately, leading her followers to deduce she must be wooing someone, it’s reported.
Marcy Ray, 28, is alleged to have periodically uploaded the odd funny meme or cute photo in the past, but is now posting at the rate of an influencer whose...
Local Man’s Spidey Senses Tingle As He Tries To Work Out What Kind Of Sauna This Is
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A city worker's morning today was punctuated with strange run in at his new gym.
Russell Sturrock, a public servant with the Department of Health, recently joined The Remienko Club. As one of the Diamantina's mid-tier business and social clubs, it offers a wide range of opportunities for like-minded men and unfortunately, women, to meet...
