Local News

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT An inner-city gathering has today gone from classy shindig to major pissup after the arrival of local gronk, Jared Rook. Announcing his presence by bursting through the door and screaming ‘YEEEEWWW’, a red-eyed Jared was desperately trying to cling to his high before succumbing to what will be a truly shocking comedown. His enthusiasm, most likely brought on by...

INGRID DOULTON | Lady Writer | CONTACT In an almost fluid transition, former high school alpha Becky Claire-Kelly (27) has graduated from the chick that makes girls feel bad about being overweight in the school yard to the chick that making normal people who aren't 100% up to date with Lena Dunham-style cancel culture feel bad on Twitter. As someone who needs the structure of an...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact It’s long been suspected that Tim Houghton was the shittest bloke in their friendship group, but a recent stunt at a Betoota pub confirmed it for a group of honest, beer loving mates.  The tight-knit group of men had been in rounds drinking pints of Betoota Bitter all afternoon. It’s believed that when it came to Tim’s turn he...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT Formerly young couple Jerry and Virginia Parker had a rude wake-up call on Friday night, after they suddenly realised they were watching Better Homes & Gardens instead of being dragged out of a club by a bouncer after numerous Jaegerbombs and an argument over a pool table. “We had a pretty big one last weekend so we thought we...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT East coast of Australia residents were not sure how to react this week when unexpectedly confronted with the spectacle of water falling from the sky with no apparent cause. Local dirt farmers Daniel and Melissa were preparing for dinner when they witnessed the strange phenomenon from their kitchen window.    “We heard this weird hissing noise outside and all this water was...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT The triple j Hottest 100 countdown continues to be a culturally important moment for many Australians from those who are there to have fun to those who will proudly exclaim they know what number 1 will be after hearing songs 100-2. It appears that some segments of triple j listeners have been forgotten during the annual countdown, a segment...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As the triple j Hottest 100 music countdown continues to break records for voter numbers, listeners all across Australia tuned in today to hear the democratically selected best songs of 2019. While the lighthearted music countdown may be the most democratic process taking place in the nation, a local moustache attached to the face of Betoota resident Domonic James...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local chippy has all but confirmed that he purchases prohibited supplements on his job site today. Sitting down for a late lunch with a couple of other blokes, Brixen Watts did so by revealing his new miniature water cooler. The water bottles are often associated with gym bros who like to throw weights down as loudly as...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Andy McMillan has felt a wave of panic set over him this evening after receiving a message alert from his cousin’s weird, cider drinking boyfriend. Andy tells our reporter, who happened to be at the scene, that over Christmas he was just trying to be polite when he suggested the two of them get a drink when they were...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Although continuing until the tail end of January, school holidays have been cut short once again thanks to stationery suppliers going live with a premature ‘Back to School’ ad campaign.  Although continuing until the tail end of January, school holidays have been cut short once again thanks to stationery suppliers going live with a premature ‘Back to School’ ad...